Wednesday, April 3, 2013

You Got A Little Bit Of Somethin’, Somethin’, Going On Right There….

Hey people out in the blogosphere…I am still on business travel and just in case you were wondering if I had changed my mind about traveling….ummmm yeah…I haven’t…it still Sucks ASS but again, while I was wallowing in my misery, I was witness to some pretty funny crap that I just wanted to share with you all in the blogosphere so here you go!  So…let’s just set the stage here…I am in this pretty professional business meeting (which is kind of funny that I am in a professional meeting because if you knew me you would be laughing your ass off at the vision but again…I digress) and we finally (after what seemed like the longest morning of my life) decide to break for lunch.  Any hoo…when we come back from lunch one of my colleagues comes up to talk to me and when he opens his mouth I see this brown thing stuck to his teeth! OK so this thing was like HUGE and it covered up the majority of his front tooth so at times he looked like someone had socked him in the face and knocked his teeth right out of his face!  You know how at Halloween if you wanted to look like some homeless person or possibly some hick named Skeeter you would wipe that black wax stick on your teeth?  Imagine that scene…at a very professional meeting…and this is one of your nicest colleagues EVER! OMG! I have NO idea what to do here! It takes every ounce of self-control to NOT start laughing hysterically because it was like moving around as he was talking like it was on auto pilot without a clear destination for landing…as in it needed to land anywhere but stuck to his tooth!  I finally had to decree a pee emergency and proceeded to run to the ladies so that I could hole up in a stall and laugh hysterically!  If you were in the ladies room with me, you were probably scared shit less (no pun intended) by me running in there like a pack of etiquette wolves were attacking me, only to hear me moments later, laughing my ass off (apparently there is a really funny blond joke scribbled on the wall just for my entertainment you are thinking) in the confines of my stall!   Any way…so the real question to all of you out in the blogosphere is…what is the proper etiquette for these types of embarrassing moments?  Should I have pointed out (in a room full of his peers and colleagues) that he basically had a big ass brown turd like thing stuck to his tooth so that whenever he talked he reminded me of those backward ass country bubba’s that are spoofed on HBO by the Wayan’s brothers?   I am always the innocent witness to these types of “natural body disasters” in my world and how do I handle it?  Well…like a mature adult of course…NOT!  What DO I do?  I ALWAYS wind up conjuring up some type of tragic emergency so that I can flee the scene and hope that someone else has the balls to tell the person that they have any one of the following:

·         A nose cookie/nugget

·         Their fly is down

·         There is TP stuck in their waistline that is trailing down the back of their pants

·         Mascara running down their face so that they resemble Marilyn Manson on a good day

·         A piece of random skin that is flapping around on their face so fast that I believe that it's trying to signal “I Surrender” to the enemy which is apparently me!

·         A severe cookie mustache that would make cookie monster proud

And last but not least what do you say to the guy sitting next to you in a crowded restaurant that gets up to leave and  puts his junk in your face as he stands up and futzes around with his wallet when he tries to pay the bill?!   Seriously does the guy not know that his "business" is all up in mine?  OMG!  So wrong on sooooooo many levels…so again…I ask all of you in the blogosphere…what do you do in these situations?  Are you a “friend” and point out these embarrassing things or do you just flee the scene like you just shoplifted a Slurpee at 7-Eleven?  Please comment to let me know what to do here because one of my colleagues is still probably running around lookin’ like one of those mullet stylin’ bubba’s from the taxidermy channel!  That’s channel "1 O so wrong" for all of you that are wondering… ;)

What am I listening to as I blog this embarrassing rant:  Overexposed, by Maroon 5


  1. OMG, hilarious. Speaking of guy thrusting around his junk...I have a co-worker who must not realize that his junk is always bulging. He just struts around with this thing all out! Hilarious!!

  2. Your comment is totally cracking me up right now!! :) The dude HAS to know that his junk is all out there right? He probably thinks that it is cool or something...or maybe it is just a huge sock stuffed in his BVD's? HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!