Fifty Shades of Grey, The Chainsmokers, and Taylor Swift- A Musical Montage for Welcoming In the New Year! You are SO WELCOME!

OK party Bloggers…I could not let this year go by without spreading a little bit of my music loving insanity your way! I know….I know a lot of you all are probably getting your “drink on” while trying to figure out what to wear, to eventually attract that someone that you would “like to wear” ( not in a Hannibal Lecter, way either…Shit that movie was so DISTURBING!!! YIKES!  What I am thinking is more like a hunky Christian Grey type of way) so I thought that I would help you out with some songs that will help you get your GROOVE ON!  So here you go… some songs to hopefully get you in the New Year’s Party mood!  You all can seriously THANK ME LATER!

So speaking of Fifty Shades, I was fumbling through iTunes today and came across this song by the Weekend: 

                                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i9ZUKrw3qs

So HOLY seduction on a stick fellow bloggers…let me tell you this, if I were trying to get someone in the mood for a New Year’s Eve kiss which would lead to a session of a whole lotta “hot, heavy, and sweaty” you seriously need to PLAY THIS SONG!  Seriously panting here…SO HOT! 

What is a New Year’s Eve without a butt load of Selfie’s right?  This song just sez it all…hopefully some of you will take some seriously funny Selfie’s and post them here on this Glorious Blog! What is the point of Selfie’s if you cannot share right? Whoever invented the SELFIE is a GENIUS…definitely not a humble bastard though you would have to admit is one smart motha’!

                                         https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdemFfbS5H0

I cannot tell a lie…I am seriously digging on Taylor Swift’s 1989 album and this song, Wildest Dream, is what all of you need to think about if this evening winds up breaking up a relationship instead of solidifying one.  I know from personal experience that break ups SUCK some serious monkey balls (don’t quite understand that saying, but feel that it is appropriate for getting your heart ripped out of your chest right?), but this song pretty much says what you are really thinking about after all of the nasty, hurtful words are out, and you are sitting on your couch in your Bridget Jones pajama’s drinking Mezcal Tequila straight from the bottle, wondering why that alcohol soaked worm, has NOTHING to say to make you feel better AT ALL….well until you eat the little bastard right?  Then you feel NO PAIN…not that I know this from personal experience or anything like that at all  but  any hoo this song basically sums up all of those feelings in a nutshell…I couldn’t find a video for the song but you can listen to it on iTunes on the link below : 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/1989/id907242701

So there you have it!  I am hoping that this list of songs gets you in the mood to go out and say GOODBYE to all the shitty memories, fiercely  remember all of the wonderful ones, and welcome in all of the new 2015 memories that are to come…Have A Safe and HAPPY NEW YEAR fellow bloggers….I will be blogging with you in 2015!

What am I listening to as I pen this Blog atrocity? 

Welcome to New York, by Taylor Swift

I'm BAAAACCCCKKKKKK Biatches! Can I Start Groveling Now?

 

OK...so for all of you that follow my Blog, first of all THANK YOU...I know how difficult it must be to read my verbal assault on yoga pants, my husband's "blond spells", my aging neck waddle, and basically everything else that DRIVES ME TO DRINK...A LOT... so the groveling for my "lack of Blogging Ass" really needs to start with all of you!  So the second thing that I wanted to get out there on the Blogosphere is that I seriously did not want to drop off the face of the Blog Earth.... I do have a REALLY good reason for my absence!  Would you believe that I was abducted by aliens, violated by hot alien scientists (in a Fifty Shades of Grey way ;) ), and then  escaped within an inch of my life?  No? Not really buyin' it? Well OK FINE... the real story is that my stupid company kind of felt the need to close our location down and  relocate my family to another FREAKIN' STATE!!!! I was seriously pissed and a little bit hurt that the executives of my company felt so little of me to not involve me in their little Multi-Billion decision to CLOSE US DOWN...I am like the 200,000th employees away from the Big Kahuna in our division... one would think that he would consult me before he dumped us like a full Porta Potty at a Justin Timberlake concert! Sheesh...so inconsiderate!  So anyway, as a result of their inability to pull their heads out of their asses, my Blog had to take a REALLY LONG VACATION... thinking that a trip to Cancun would have been a better trip than the sweaty, angst riddled, U-HAUL pulling, caravan experience that I had to endure across three freaking states with my map challenged husband, my TOTALLY BORED 5-year-old daughter, and our two Boxer puppies that felt the need to make me stop every 15 minutes to PEE !  At least the trip to Cancun would have been filled with "male college HOTTIE" eye candy and a lot of dates with my boyfriend Senor Cuervo!  :) He's so dreamy... but I digress... so what I am trying to say is that I am back with a ton of new material from my Craptastic moving experience as well as I am also planning on plugging  books for new authors!  YAY!!!!  As a result of my relocation nightmare, I have read an ASSLOAD (BTW that's a lot if you have seen my ASS!!!) of books and realized that some of these books that I have come across are FANFUCKINGTASTIC but are just buried under the millions of other books on AMAZON and can't get the "front page" attention that they deserve!  So if you are a struggling writer and want some extra "pluggage" (OK that word only works in certain verbal context right?  HAHAHAHA) I am your Book Blog Review Biatch!  Just drop me a line at middleagemonologues@gmail.com, and I would be more than happy to read your book and give it props via this wonderful media masterpiece known as this Blog...OK so maybe it's not so wonderful, but free "pluggage" is free "pluggage"!  I seriously just wanted to say pluggage...like multiple times... for whatever reason it makes me laugh!  See... even though I have been absent my horrible sense of humor is still in rare form!  I'M BAAACCCKKKKKK BITCHES...let's get this Blogging party started!

What am I listening to while I write this verbal assault A.K.A this Blog?

Shake It Off, By Taylor Swift