Thursday, May 30, 2013

Fashion FlashBack Friday-Tiger Beat Heart Throbs of the 80's

OK people out in the blogosphere…my original intent of this post was to get on Google and find the most hideous 80’s outfit (besides the one that my mother was wearing over the holidays…that was one scary MOTHER!  HA!) and post it so that we could all reminisce on how great our fashion sense was back in the day…yeah…not really right?   Well, for me I would have been admitting that the mullet wearing dude with braces was not really a dude but sadly…I would have to divulge that it was actually me having a very BAD hair day…but again the intent would have been the same…to laugh at how ridiculous our style really was and to just have a little bit of fun in the process.  Sounds like a good plan huh?  Well….ummm…as I was surfing for my killer outfit, that I wore on the first day of my freshman year of high school, I came across a butt load of 80’s teen idols that I thought I would share with you instead…so here you go…the top 5 male 80’s hotties…again…you all in the blogosphere can thank me later for this highly intelligent, thought provoking post!
1.  Leif Garret-I had NO idea that a guy could get a “feather on” better than Farah Fawcett but apparently Leif is the feather KING…with perhaps a slight perm going on as witnessed below.  I was also wondering if his digital watch was a calculator as well…hmmm…maybe I should have been asking him to borrow it for all of my Calculus classes in college…thinking that his high tech time piece might have helped me actually pass those classes from HELL! 

2.Rob Lowe-OK…so I have to admit that I was kind of in love with Rob Lowe…but then that thing with the Transvestite happened and sadly enough for Rob my love kind of dwindled.  I know he still regrets the love lost but hey…what’s a girl to do?  Cheating with a dude is still cheating…I’m just sayin’…

3. Kevin Bacon-Who did not like Footloose right?  I’m talking about the old school Footloose where Kevin gets his groove on and we all get to happily watch!  Kevin Bacon…sooo dreamy!  I am also diggin’ the high waisted pants….and OK…so I am just going to go there… does that zipper look extremely long to you too? 




4.       David Lee Roth-Soooo…this pic actually makes him look like a kinda hot dude…the others not soooo much!  I now understand where Aerosmith got their muse for Dude Looks Like A Lady…clearly David was drinking with them one night and voila’ song inspired!
5.  Tom Cruise-I am sorry but I have to admit even with the TomKat fiasco, Tom Cruise is still a good looking dude but what can I say…I am a sucker for a guy in uniform and well…ummm…he looks really GOOD in his Top Gun uniform...YUMMMMM!!!!!!

BONUS PICK:    The Hof-So this one was just too hilarious to NOT post…I want to ask him how he got his hands on my grandmother’s robe and panties but I am too afraid of what he might say!  HAHAHAHAHAAAA!  This pic is just too FUNNY…totally LOVING the banana hammock here and his cheesy smile!  CLASSIC!

So my fellow bloggers…I hope that I have given you enough man candy to at least last you through the weekend!  If not you can always get on trusty Google and search for The Hof and download that video of him eating a hamburger while being drunk out of his mind…now that’s a whole lotta hot bun action going on right there!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!



What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  Pour Some Sugar on Me, by Def Leppard














Monday, May 27, 2013

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday Blog

OK people out in the blogosphere…being the total music lover that I am (yes I am old enough to say that I remember when MTV used to play music videos instead of the riveting tales of life on the Jersey Shore… sheesh who knew watching people tan could be so entertaining?!)… I HAD to participate in this week’s Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday!  Thank you Jen Kehl @ for creating this Blog Hop for sadistic music freaks like myself! 

OK so back to the mission at hand…here are my top 5 songs that I LOVE to belt out in my car…yes with all of the window’s down…Megaphone proudly hanging from my face with of course an annoyed audience of fellow commuters so HAPPY to hear my out of tune version of the following: 

1.       Oh Sherry-Steve Perry-Yes…I am a Journey/Steve Perry freak!  Who doesn’t love a video that has a Prince and a Princess in it?  Disney apparently was Steve Perry’s muse here….hmmm wondering if the girl in the video is an Aquanet’d version of Cinderella?  You be the judge…

2.       Dancing Queen-ABBA-OK…so I am also an ABBA loving dork!  Every time I hear this song I want to put on a pair of white boots with a gold fish in the heel and get my groove on! Watching this video also makes me want to get some SERIOUS bangs….and curl them under!  NICE!

3.        I Want To Know What Love Is-Foreigner-This is just one Bad @$$ ballad…I have NO idea how many dogs joined in with me when I belted out this tune…kind of sounded like the hyena’s on The Lion King but I really don’t care…this song is the SHIZZ!

4.       Heartbreaker-Pat Benatar-I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, put this song on when I need to get my confidence on and kick some @$$ at work!  This is where I say BRING IT…OK maybe not sooo much like Mike Tyson but maybe more along the lines of Hong Kong Phooey…but the intent is still the same! 

5.       Billy Jean-Michael Jackson-What can I say…this song is just CLASSIC!


Soooo…this is the list!  If you hear some crazy lady belting out tunes in her car with her daughter in the back seat wearing noise cancelling headphones on her poor little head…ah yeah…that would sadly be me!  Happy listening!


Oh BTW…in case you all in the blogosphere were wondering…I do listen to other songs that are in our decade…I am NOT THAT OLD!  Sheesh! I know who Britney is B*!  HA!  J  



What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  RESPECT, by Aretha Franklin.



Sunday, May 26, 2013

Shorty Short Shorts and All Things Cheeky…

OK people out in the blogosphere…today’s rant is about feeling the need to explain the rules behind the latest fashion trend of  Shorty Shorts…in that I really do not need to know that MUCH information about your Hoo Hoo A.K.A. your Va Jay Jay!!  Holy Crap!  Someone needs to explain this to people and oddly enough that person is obviously going to be me because if I see one more shorty short violation,  I am  going to admit myself into the “I Love Me Jacket Hotel” and request that I be roomies with LiLo!  GAH!  Hmmm….maybe this is not such a good idea…rooming with LiLo might make me into an even crazier whack job than I already am…BUT just think of all of the pharmaceutical drug advice that she could give me?  I could write a book on that shit and make millions!  OK…I have decided that’s plan B here on my “What Am I Going to Do When I Grow Up” list…thinking that this idea might be another KEEPER! HA!  OK…digression over…getting us back on track here…so over Mother’s Day weekend we took our daughter to San Diego to go to LegoLand and then to Sea World for a much needed break from reality. Sounds like a good plan right?  Weelllllll….once we got there….not so much!  Once my old eyes adjusted to the horrifying scene that they were forced to witness, as in I seriously doubt that any of these people looked in the mirror before they traipsed on down, to a family oriented theme park, obviously dressed like a very poorly paid street walker!  Holy Shit!  Felt the need to ask these people (I am lumping the men in this poorly paid prostitute category as well here…this shit was THAT scary!) what they were thinking when they sauntered into a theme park with shorts so short that even the pole dancers were asking them where they got them from because they were, in their honest professional opinion, total game changers!  Seriously?! Who does this?  I also felt the need to contact the People of Walmart website and tell them that they are missing out on a business opportunity for expansion here as these theme parks had some serious butt crack and muffin winners!  Hmmmm….this could be tricky because I don’t know what their policy is in regards to random pics of nasty Hoo Hoo’s vs. their butt crack norm…thinking that for some of these folks there isn’t a black out bar BIG enough to cover that much business going on down south of THAT border!  Again…who does this?  And don’t get me started on how much of their ass was hanging out when they turned around!  YIKES! OK people…when you wear shorts so short that I can see the Beavis tattoo that is comfortably hanging out in your ass cleavage, clearly that is a sign to COVER that crap up!  Sheesh!  Did I mention that this “phenomenon” was not age discriminate?  OH NO…again life could not give me a break here!  Why yes…it appears that older folks felt the need to stay current with the fashion trend here and don these shorty shorts from butt crack hell!  Thinking that these people still remember that Nair commercial when they were in their teens and still BELIEVE that if they douse themselves in that foul smelling crap that why yes…they too can sport a pair of shorty shorts and kick their way to hairless toned happiness!  Ummm…thinking that I need to burst their delusional bubble here and tell them TO LAY OFF THE CRACK PIPE!   There is not enough NAIR on this planet to help that situation out and don’t get me started on how much freakin’ cellulite cream would be needed to cover so much square footage!  YIKES!  Oh…and I can’t forget to give you all this last great visual of said person in these exhibition shorts, that has been sitting through a Shamu show, that is now sporting WET shorty shorts that resemble a nasty, soggy thong, and when they peel themselves off of the bench, that they have been sitting on for the last half an hour, they proceed to go butt diving to try to dig the yards of fabric out of their ASS!  GAH!  SOOOOOOO WRONG!  I can safely tell all of you out in the blogosphere that I have been traumatized by this whole shorty short fashion phenom and it clearly needs to have some guidelines associated with the trend…as in…if you do not look like Rachel Bilson, YOU SHOULD NOT WEAR them!  End of story people!  Sheesh…again W.T.F?   If any of you out in the blogosphere have ever been shorty, shorted, please comment and let me know…I am surfing on Craigslist for a therapist that makes house calls because my old ass eyes have given me the finger and are out on vacation, which makes driving to the loony bin clearly a challenge!  Sheesh…so wrong on so many levels…sigh…*sounds of throwing back Tequila shots inserted here*

What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary:  Baby Got Back, by SIR-MIX-A-LOT.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Happy Mother’s Day…You Sound Fat?! WHAT?!

Hello fellow bloggers…today’s rant is about calling my mother to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day only to hear in return that I sound tired, which means in “mom speak” you have been eating your feelings…you sound FAT!?  Seriously?!  What does that mean really?  Well…let me explain it to all of you in the blogosphere…you all are SOOOO lucky to be getting this rant today….let me tell you!  HA!  OK…so I am just going to get to the root cause of my mother’s perceived “assholery”…she literally has NO filter when she speaks!  She will give you the truth…the hard way…right between the eyes, and not even bat an eyelash when you look at her like you want to STAB HER IN THE FACE!  Sheesh!  So when…let’s just say…you are in your teens…in the 80’s…and you come out of the dressing room dressed like some sadistic version of Madonna that is bathed in  black spandex lace, and you ask her the “dreaded” question of “…does this outfit make me look fat?”…not only is she going to tell you “why yes…you make Dumbo look like a Weight Watcher’s poster child” but she will proceed to pinch, poke, and prod every roll on your spandexed body in the process, just to drive that “you are fat” stake all the way HOME!  GAH! So annoying!  And you all in the blogosphere were wondering what my obsession is with spandex…well now you know!  Took me years of therapy just to say spandex…so to say that I am ranting about it is like a therapy miracle…feel the need to call Dr. Quackadoodle and let him know the great progress that I am making!  Maybe he has a Twitter icon on his website that I can click to follow him and then NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!  BTW…Twitter update…still a Twee-tard!  That crap is STILL confusing…thinking that BLARTING is my only course of action here...I suck so bad at that bird crap app that when I even attempt to login to their site I get a pop-up checkbox asking me if I KNOW what I am doing?! HAHAHA! Soooooo digressing here because my mother scares the crap out of me but I guess I had better get back on track here…so any hoo my mother knows that when I was younger, I was a pretty stressed out kid, you know stereotypical Korean book nerd kid that HAD to take all of those AP classes, and when mid-terms or finals came around I would like stay up all night drinking Jolt Cola and eating an ass load of Dorito’s…if you were to see my ass back then, you would understand the magnitude of the term “assload”! Sheesh…so depressing!  I had…what my mother “lovingly” told me one day…a truck butt…you know…a butt so flat and wide that it resembles the front end of those old school semi-trucks?!  Yeah…my mother has such a way with words…she really should have been a poet…NOT!  Thinking that Haiku dude, Masaoka Shiki, has some fierce competition here…her Haiku would resemble something like this: 

                The Truth Clearly Hurts

                You Should Not Have Worn Those Pants

                You Have A Fat Ass!

Thinking that I should submit that Haiku to Hallmark for the greeting in some poor fools Inspiration card…hmmm….on second thought that card might be a law suit just waiting to happen!  Sheesh! I wasn’t lying people in the blogosphere…that woman has mastered the English language to a fault and knows every mean adjective and verb that the lovely Webster dictionary clearly taught her HOW TO USE AGAINST ME and the planet at large! Holy Crap!  So wrong! Oh and don’t make the mistake of thinking that her “no filter verbal vomit” is focused solely on family members…OH NO…you all in the blogosphere are not protected here…not protected at all!  Being the typical Korean mother,  she is all polite smiles, head nods of approval, all the while shoving some nasty sweet bean rice cake thingy down your throat,  and then when you least expect it she strikes like a King Cobra!  Like say...when she politely tells the person, that is sitting in her living room eating those nasty Korean version of tea cakes, that her new perm makes her look like some scary poodle she saw running down the middle of the street, that was clearly running from its big scary ass permed shadow! So mean!  Now…to be fair…she “verbally Punks” this person in her adorable broken English so the victim only assumes that she is NOT using the right combination of adjectives and verbs here…so they both have a chuckle over the “cute” incident and drink tea to more “Good Times!”  OMG!  Really? How clueless are these people?  My mother should have one of those caption bubbles over her head, in these incidents, to let us know what’s really going on in that evil no filter head of hers… I am thinking that it would say something like this: “I totally have a grasp of the English language you a-hole…I just think that your hair makes you look a sadistic version of a Garbage Pail Kid!”   Again…SO MEAN!  So when she tells me that I “sound tired” I am on full alert, like I am one of those red shirted fools on Star Trek that’s getting ready to bite the big one!  I can’t lie…I have all of these clever come backs in my head that I could have said to her but of course what did I do?  Yeah…I said none of them…I…like the chicken shit that I am…when it comes to my mother…changed the subject and just wished her a Happy Mother’s Day instead of telling her to F* OFF!!  WAH! Smart BUT SOOOOO LAME!  Sheesh…that woman scares the crap out of me!  YIKES! So if anybody out in the blogosphere has a “no filter” family member please comment and share…I am fearing the call that I have to make for her birthday…I have NO idea how I am going to survive that one without being totally DRUNK OUT OF MY MIND!  Holy Crap!  She’s SO SCARY!!

What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary:  Ain’t That A Kick In The Head, by Dean Martin.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Liebster Award Blog!

I would like to Thank Lorna K @, Kim M @   and Julia @  for nominating me for this award! I am sorry that it took so long for me to accept it...I REALLY do appreciate the nomination!   So here you go Lorna, Kim, Julia, and the rest of the blogosphere! Happy Liebster reading!

Answers to Lorna K:

1.      Why did I create this blog?  Hmmm…well I needed a way to vent about all of the stupid crap that goes on in my life and what better way than to have a bloggary on the Web! J

2.      On average how much time a week do you spend blogging or doing blog related activities?  I probably spend about 5 hours a week blogging…I am new to all of this so I am kind of a dork when it comes to blogging and what I need to do to get my posts read…hence my post about how I am a Twitter challenged!

3.      What is your favorite season and why?  Well, my favorite season is Winter because I am a shameless shoe whore and I love to wear all types of boots!

4.      What do you like the most about yourself?  I think that what I really like about myself is that I really try to take everything with a grain of salt and not try to be too serious about life and all of the craziness that can consume you if you let it. 

5.      Who is the most important person in my life?  Hmmmm…well you all are going to laugh because I rant about him so often, but that would be my clueless, time challenged, husband who is in a first place tie with of course my four year old daughter and our dog Buster!

6.      What type of music do I listen to most? Well…I listen to pretty much everything…which is obvious because all of my posts have very random artists that I listen to…from country to R&R, classical, to Sam Cooke (who is really my favorite artist if truth be told!).

7.      What is your most prized possession? I think that it would be my wedding ring and my digital photos on my computer.

8.      What is the one thing that gets on your nerves? People who are always Debbie Downers and feel like they need to bring me down with them!  L

9.      What do you love most about your followers?  That they think that I am funny because my husband seriously DOES NOT!  HA!  J

10.  Have you become close friends with your followers?  I have just acquired some followers and I hope that I become great friends with all of them.

11.  If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  I am such a perfectionist control freak that sometimes, I get too “wrapped around the axle” and just need to understand that it is OK to have things that are not quite perfect…even though it will drive me crazy, sometimes I just need to let it go. 


Answers to Kim M:

1. What is the main focus of your blog? Ranting about things in life that are annoying and oh yeah…my scatter brained husband!
2. What is your favorite candy? I LOVE Jelly Bellies!!!!
3. Fiction or Non-fiction? Fiction
4. What is your favorite season? Why? I love Winter because of all of the great coats, sweaters, and boots that I get to wear!  I am a serious shoe whore! 
5. Are you an animal momma? We have a boxer named Buster…he is really my other half’s pooch but he knows who feeds him…the dog is smarter than his owner!  HAHAHAHAHAAA!
6. Do you like to cook? If so, what is your favorite dish to prepare?  I do like to cook BUT I really like to cook Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with all if the fixings…and of course PIE!  I love to bake PIES!!!!!!
7. What is your favorite movie? 16 candles! 
8. What did you find most surprising about blogging? That people actually read my ranting crap about nothing and actually think that it is entertaining! 
9. What sport/ activity did you do in school? Ummm…well…I have a Korean mother…sooooo…I was kind of a forced book nerd…so I would have to say that I played basketball and I was and still am HORRIBLE at it! 
10 What was your most frivolous purchase? Hmmm…I bought a COACH bag…at FULL price…need I say more?
11. What is the one thing you will not leave the house without? My daughter and my cell phone! 


Answers to Julia:
1. Why did you start blogging?  I really enjoy writing and ranting about my husband is just a benefit of the whole writing process…you all in the blogosphere get to reap the rewards of my husband’s lack of brain cells!  J
2.  If you could eat lunch anywhere in the world, where and what would you eat?
I would totally eat lunch in Beijing, China…I would gorge myself on authentic Chinese food! 
3. Whom, what, where does your blogging inspiration come from?
My blogging inspiration comes from all of the things that swirl around in my head all day and of course my bottle blond husband gives me A LOT of material to work with!
4. How do you handle a stressful day?
I really do not stress the little stuff…as long as I remember to put pants on every day and make sure that my daughter has her pants on as well before she gets to school…all is well!
5. What do you hope that your children remember about you?
That I loved her unconditionally and that I spent a lot of quality time with her….
6.What is your favourite recipe?
Oddly enough it is the Philadelphia Cheesecake recipe that is on the back of the box!  I know…I know…no creativity here!  J
7. What is your favourite quote?
It’s the little things that count….
8. What projects are you working on right now?
- My blog and I am finishing up a YA novel that I have re-written a gazillion times but have been TOO chicken to send to any agents or publishers!  J
9. What is the best thing about you?
I am pretty easy going and I think that life is full of hilarious things that just make me laugh!
10.Will you follow the bloggers that you nominate?
11.What makes you giggle?
Life in general is pretty funny…I like to people watch…it gives me a lot of material to rant about in my blog! 





1. Gladiator In Heels

2. Everything Beauty

3. Worn Baby Shoes

4.  Life Happens So Smile

5. The Blog Hangout

6. Lily Rose Bee

7.  Mother Chuckler

Questions for Award:

1.      Why did you start your blog?

2.      What is your favorite thing to do?

3.      What is your fondest memory?

4.      What is your favorite movie?

5.      Who is your favorite actor/actress and why?

6.      What is a book that you would recommend to other bloggers?

7.      Where is one of the best places that you would like to go?

8.      What is your biggest fault and why?

9.      What is your favorite song and why?

10.  What is your favorite holiday and why?

11.  What is something that you do that you know is annoying but you really don’t care that it is annoying?

Instructions for Award:

1.      Each blogger should answer the questions from the person who nominated you

2.      Choose 5-10 new bloggers with 300 followers or less to pass the award to and link them to your post

3.      Go back to their page and tell them about their award

4.      Don’t send the nomination back to the person who sent it to you







Monday, May 13, 2013

Veruca Salt Is An Amateur In Comparison To This Family!

OK people out in the blogosphere today’s rant is about how certain individuals (my time challenged husband is the poster child for what I am about to BLART!) have no concept of personal time or have the ability to comprehend the term patience…as in he thinks that everything has to happen absolutely RIGHT NOW and on his time table!  SO ANNOYING! So here’s just a taste of how frustrating my household can be…OK so everyone out in the blogosphere who has been reading, my pathetic excuse for really cheap therapy A.K.A this bloggary, know that I (just like my “no concept of time” husband) work 40 hours a week, and with our daughter, let’s just say that the craziness of our household kind of resembles a “shark feeding frenzy chumfest” during the week and I look forward to the weekend where I can quasi relax and do my own thing.  Sounds like a good plan right?  Yeah not so much…when you have your family (I include my husband’s separation disordered, attention whoring dog in this definition of “family” as well!) up your butt the whole entire time!  Sheesh…it seems like at every single turn I have someone or something all up in my grill wanting something from me that ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT!  Seriously?  I refuse to believe that if I don’t come immediately to assist when he has decided to…oh I don’t know…purchase a 600 pound BBQ and now, oddly enough, has NO CLUE how he is going to get this monstrosity TO OUR HOUSE…did I also mention that I am a vegetarian?  Yeah that was a serious rocket scientist move there...NOT!  What.An.Idiot!  I have no idea how this grievous act of stupidity has anything to do with me because if you all in the blogosphere were to look at my noodle arms you would be probably advising him to get help with bigger “guns” because clearly these babies are not going to get him very far…not far at all! Again…no thought process at all going on here…thinking that all of that drinking in his early years killed all of his brain cells and the 1.5 pathetic fools that are left are struggling to keep up here…as in that poor little half of a cell has a trolling motor attached to it and is sadly running out of gas!  WTF? Makes me want to enter him in some science experiment on the Discovery Channel to see if they can resurrect the other cells that RAN AWAY to try to help his brain challenged ass!  Sheesh!  Oh and don’t get me started on how he must have some weird sixth sense that tells him to bother me right when I have just SAT DOWN to relax!  Sheesh!  WTF?  Also makes me want to call Bruce Willis and tell him that he has competition in the casting of the lead in Sixth Sense Reloaded where the plot has a little twist  in that instead of some kid seeing dead people the poor fool gets to watch stupid time challenged people try to HELP THEMSELVES over and over again!!!!  Again…so irritating!  Oh and don’t get me started on how, if I try to ignore him and walk away, he PAGES me using the intercom function on…oh I don’t know…like the 9 thousand phones that are thrown around our house, to let me know that I need to come at his beck and call because he can’t figure out how to use the fridge or some other crazy stupid thing that has the nerve to confuse him! Seriously...WTF?  And last but not least, this bloggary would not be complete if I did not give all of you in the blogosphere this little tidbit of TMI…why yes…I am constantly hounded when I am of course…on the throne!  GAH!  Can’t even pee without an audience…kept telling them (I have now lumped my daughter into this TMI rant!) that “peeing as fast as you can” was not one of the sports in the Summer Olympics but oddly enough they did not believe me…hence all of the un-needed, foam fingered cheering fans, IN MY BATHROOM!  GAH! That’s a visual that all of you in blogger land can thank my other half for…LUCKY YOU…yeah not so much right?! All of you were also probably wondering how I knew so much about Astropants and port-a-potties...well now you know!  I have to resort to such measures just to get some much needed TIME TO MYSELF!!!!!  Sheesh!  So…if any of you out in the blogosphere also have a “time challenged that lacks consideration” family member please feel free to comment and let me know because I just got an e-mail from the Astropants people asking me to star in one of their late night infomercials which, of course for a limited time only, will come with a free ShamWOW if you order RIGHT NOW!!!! GAH!  Again…this is just so very WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS! W.T.F!?


What am I listening to as I rant in this Bloggary:  Now, by Paramore




Wednesday, May 8, 2013

You Seriously Do Not Know Who Scott Baio IS? UGH! I’m So ANCIENT!

Soooooo….here is yet another example, for all of you out in the blogosphere, of how much of an ancient relic I am, in comparison to my younger co-workers…yeah I know…I should find some much older friends to make me feel better right?!  Sheesh! So here’s what happened…I was having a casual conversation with some of my much younger colleagues about how my daughter is obsessed with SpongeBob Squarepants and how I absolutely think that a nasty little yellow smart ass kitchen sponge wearing square BVD’s as pants is so NOT entertaining but whatever…she thinks that he’s hilarious so who am I to judge right? Hoping that maybe when she gets older SpongeBob will help me entice her to clean our nasty kitchen! HA!  So any hoo…let me continue here…I told them that after this sadistic show was over I was floored to find that Scott Baio had a new show called See Dad Run and to be quite honest, he still looks alright for an old dude…I clearly cannot throw stones at his glass house right? I am one stone away from that glass Louvre Pyramid thingy in Paris coming down around me like a bunch of Dominoes!  Sheesh! So anyway…my colleagues were like who in hell is Scott Baio?  I was like WHAT?  You know that guy from Happy Days…he played Chachi Arcola and he loved Joanie…yeah…it was like Cricketville!  WTF?  So then I was like you guys know Happy Days right?  They were like…hmmmmm….sounds familiar…I was like HOLY SHIT NO WAY!!! OK…so I had to AGAIN bring up YouTube on my cell to show them a clip of Happy Days and explain to them the whole thing…it was absolutely RIDICULOUS!!!!  Totally figured out why when we had an arguments in meetings and when I told them that they needed to “Fonzy Out” they got all confused and gave me the doe in the headlights look!  I.AM.AN.OLD. ASS.IDIOT!  WTF right?  Who in the hell does not know who Arthur Fonzarelli A.K.A the Fonz is?  So anyway, on YouTube they also have these clips of Joanie loves Chachi, and I found myself sharing with them a little TMI story about my mother’s fascination with Joanie loves Chachi that I will now share with all of you in the lovely blogosphere!  LUCKY YOU...never knew that you all in blogger land could win the TMI lottery right?!  HA!  So anyway here you go…when I was younger and that TV show would come on…my mother used to giggle and laugh to the point where she would have to leave the room.  I used to always ask her what was so funny but she would just avoid the question and proceed to giggle on out of the room.  So, when I was probably in my twenties (that was when I was young and gravity was not my enemy!), my mom and I were watching some late night TV when that show, Joanie Loves Chachi, comes on and then again, like clockwork, she starts to laugh again…so I was like…what is the deal with this show?  And then after much coercing, because by this point she was beyond hysterical with laughter, she finally says “…in Korean Chachi means penis…so you see…”more sputtering with laughter here and then she blurts out “…Joanie loves her Chachi!” She then proceeds to laugh so loud that the hyenas in the Out of Africa zoo exhibit are seriously having some severe laugh fest envy!  Holy Shit! Again…I have no idea what to do here! The fact that MY MOTHER is talking about  Joanie loving the “one eyed monster” has me running after a Budweiser Truck like a crazy person that clearly needs an alcoholic escape from TMItown!  OMG!!!!!!!!  She was laughing so hard that her face had turned a weird purple color (probably from the lack of oxygen she was laughing so hard!) and I’m totally too afraid to ask if her Depends were still intact because she was laughing so hard that those babies were clearly busting at the seams because she has obviously PEE’D her pants!  I soooooo want to use that whole Men In Blank memory blanking stick thingy to erase the fact that MY MOTHER is hysterically laughing over Joanie getting her a piece of some Chachi! OH.MY.GOD!  After she calmed down a little, we proceeded to watch the episode, but every now and again she would sniff a little and laugh her ass off all over again! Sheesh!  All I can say is that I cannot watch that show now without having a little giggle fest of my own!  Again…I clearly need a good therapist to get over this whole TMI male body part share fest with my MOTHER! GAH! So there you go blogosphere…that was my little TMI gift to all of you!  Now you all in blogger land can stay up late and watch Joanie getting her Chachi on and just think…all of you can thank my mother for explaining it all to you via this bloggary!  BUAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!  I don’t know if ANYONE out in the blogosphere has had anything remotely close to this experience happen to them but if you have, please comment and share…if not my little Korean mother is available to explain the birds and the bees to anyone who will listen!  HAHAHAHA!!!!

What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary:  Sledgehammer, by Peter Gabriel.


Monday, May 6, 2013

Men At Work…This Is NOT About That Movie With Charlie Sheen And Emilio Estevez Either!

OK people out in the blogosphere…today’s little rant is about how I was hit on by a  disgusting old dude in…why yes…a beat up old garbage truck that clearly needed to be entered into the Demolition Derby A LONG FREAKIN’ TIME AGO!  Sheesh…I am SO needing that therapy session NOW!  GAH! So here’s what happened…I was on my way to pick my daughter up from school, and again, when I have to wait at one of the many LONGEST stoplights ever, I look over and see that a kind of creepy scuzzy old guy is leaning out of his window and is staring at my car.  Hmmmm….not quite understanding what the etiquette is in these types of situations, but  when I see the guy lean even further out his nasty window, peer down, and suggestively lick his lips at me, I fight the urge to throw a Miss Manners book right in his nasty slobbered FACE!  WTF?  Who does this?  Thinking that maybe his lips were just dry from having to hang his head out the window like a Labrador Retriever, with his old ass tongue hanging out, might have caused the chapping of his disgusting antiquated lips, and that he seriously was not trying to “sex me up” with his little over the top, make me want to vomit, gesture!  GAH!  So GROSS!  I soooo felt the need to open my sun roof and throw a bucket full of Campho-Phenique at him (as a pre-emptive strike), before the CDC comes and hauls his ass away like they did with that little disease carrier Spider Monkey on that movie Outbreak! Sheesh!  I kind of look at him with a disgusted look on my face, and I see that he is now smiling at me with a mouthful of yellowed teeth that look like they must have run REALLY FAST from the little whitening strips in the Colgate toothpaste bottle!  WTF?  Could this guy get any nastier?  Well, why yes he can…he gives me one more chance to “hit this” with one last slobbery lick of his gross ass lips, then proceeds to give me a “how you doin?” wink like Joey from Friends, all the while wagging his eyebrows at me like he has some weird tic, and drives off, hand on the steering wheel head nodding like a P.I.M.P!!!  HOLY SHIT!  I wanted to yell at him “WTF? Does that really work for you and if it does, is the woman or man alive from this PLANET?” Thinking that even aliens have standards and would have probably used that dude for experimentation…hmmm…also thinking that I recognized him from one of those Tru Stories specials on the reality channel where they interviewed people who had been abducted by space aliens and let them tell us how they were “interrogated” into their alien culture! HA! Holy Crap that dude was just downright nasty and wrong!  But…I have to confess to all of you out in the blogosphere that this was not the first time that a garbage man has hit on me! SO WRONG THAT I AM ADMITTING THIS FACT!!!!! OK people out in the blogosphere...don’t get me wrong, I am not dissin' the profession here…I am totally hatin’ on the dude, who is hauling out the casino trash on the Vegas strip,  and  thinks it’s OK to yell out at me, “Hey Seeeexxxxy  Girrrrrlfrieeeeend!” like Long Duck Dong on 16 Candles! OMG! He had the accent down and everything…thinking that John Hughes would have been seriously impressed here…me… yeah…NOT SO MUCH!  WTF is up with that?  Of course when this travesty occurred I could not be alone….NOOOOOOO that would have been too easy on my old decrepit ego!  Of course I was with a bunch of my friends, who were not even drunk enough to ignore his ass, let alone NOT remember his OH SO HILARIOUS COMMENT because…yeah…they were sober! My sorry ass life could not have let this happen to me at the end of our drink fest….NOOOO this happened right as we hit the Vegas strip, at the BEGINNING of our evening, and of course I had to hear all sorts of various slurring renditions of his stupid cat call throughout our drunk ass weekend…by ALL OF MY FRIENDS!  Holy Crap!  SO VERY WRONG! Since this has happened to me twice now…I feel the need to start hanging out at the local land fill to see what type of “fish are swimming in that pond” as I clearly attract the fishing derby nasty old ass first prize WINNERS!  WTF is happening here?!  The depressing thing is that even when I was younger I could attract something a little bit better than the yellowed teeth hose beast that clearly thought that he was channeling Zac Efron!  WAH! SO HORRIFICALLY WRONG!!!! OK…so if any of you out in the blogosphere have ever had a nasty old dude hit on you, please comment and let me know because I am one therapy session away from making the stock on Prince Valium SKY ROCKET!  Again…WHAT.THE.F*?!

What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary:  Jungle Boogie, by Kool and the Gang.