Monday, July 29, 2013

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday-I Think That I Have a Cavity-Bubblegum Pop in the 2000's

This week on Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday @ the theme is all about the 2000’s…hmmm…what was musically going in the 2000’s that was newsworthy of this glorious blog hop?  Well...I have to admit that I really had to sit back and think about what I was listening to in the early 2000’s and ummmm…..yeah…sooo…I was listening to…ahhh…Britney Spears!  What.The.Hell right?  I know…I had to actually sit back and think about whether or not I was going to “out” myself with the whole Britney thing but figured I might as well…I have had lower fashion moments before (hello…the 80’s right?) so I might as well just lower myself all the way down and just go there…so here you go folks…the top five bubble gum singers of the early 2000’s!

Slave For You-Britney Spears-OK so my husband was all over this video when it came out and when she performed on the MTV music awards with that ginormous snake I think that every man/boy on the planet literally passed out!  I know that my husband did…sheesh!


Dirrty (feat. Reddman)-Christina Aguilera-So she started out pretty bubble gum pop with Genie In A Bottle but then it appeared that she had some chi chi enhancements done and then this happened…the girl can sing, but I have to question her fashion sense here…yikes!

Irresistible-Jessica Simpson-Ever since she did that reality show and could not figure out that Chicken of the Sea was really Tuna and not chicken…well I just can’t listen to her AT ALL anymore…yikes that girl is truly BLOND!  Holy Crap!

I Do (Cherish You)-98 Degrees-Sooooo…I had to group this boy band with the whole bubble gum and lollipop thing going on in the early 2000’s and BTW…Nick Lachey was the brains behind the Nick and Jessica Show on MTV which is really quite frightening…I am still having nightmares about that mind numbing reality show! 



Bye Bye Bye-Nsync-What would the early 2000’s be without a little bit of Justin Timberlake to go with your Britney Spears infatuation right?  I have to say that I am really diggin’ Justin Timberlake’s hair do here…it is very 2000’s don’t ya think?  Sheesh!


OK everyone out in the blogosphere there is enough candy and bubble gum on this list to get a big ol’ cavity started!  I know that after I created this list I seriously wanted to give myself a root canal…well maybe it was the promise of some well needed laughing gas that pushed me over the edge here because this list is well…so NOT funny!  Sigh…*sounds of laughing gas inhalation inserted here*…


What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary: Buttons, by the Pussycat Dolls








Sunday, July 21, 2013

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday-Part II of the 90's is about Buns and Stuff!

OK people out in the blogosphere this week on Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday @ it is Part II of the glorious 90’s!  So as I was wracking my brain on another musical theme I started to scroll through my iTunes Library and discovered (to my shock and horror…not really I just threw that out there for grins and giggles!) that I had a lot of songs about…wait for it… booty’s and SEX!  OMG…what was I thinking about in the 90’s?  Apparently it was about a lot of booty’s and a little bit of the horizontal mambo wambo thrown in there just for kicks! So without further adieu let’s get this sexy party started already!  So here you go…the top five songs about booty’s and (whispering here…) sex! 

Rumpshaker-WreckX-N-Effect-So I have to tell you that when this song played in the clubs everyone went WILD…and sadly I was one of those crazy people shakin’ my rump!  HHAHAHAAAA!


Salt N Pepa-Let’s Talk About Sex-This song is just really good and when I hear it I feel myself singing the lyrics like they are some type of grown up sing along!  So catchy right?


Sir Mix-A-Lot-Baby Got Back-OK…so I have to admit that I used to chant along to the first couple of lines of this song…only because it was FUNNY to be talking about some chick’s butt with a Valley Girl accent!  Too Hilarious!


Madonna-Justify My Love-Again I have to admit that I went to see Madonna’s movie Truth or Dare in the 90’s…I am still a little bit traumatized over it but HOLY CRAP some of her male dancers were like WHITE HOT!  Whew…fanning my face here to gain some composure!  HAHAHAAAA!


Duice-Dazzey Dukes-I also remember this video coming out and then all of the crazy small daisy dukes that came out on the dance floor after…so horrific for those of us that had to witness this awful fashion disaster!  YIKES!



So there you go people out in the blogosphere…the top five songs about booty’s or  (still whispering here) sex…sheesh…I think that I need to go and read 50 Shades of Grey now just to complete the full crimson hue that is now adorning my cheeks!  All I have to say is Christian Grey…wheesh…fanning my face again and NOT because I am having hot flashes either!  HHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!


What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  Erotica, by Madonna


Do You Need That Much Crack to Exercise? Seriously?

OK people out in the blogosphere this week’s post is about…Crack…and not the low grade street corner kind either!  I am talking about the ol’ butt crack here people so stay with me and I will tell you all about what prompted me to craft this thought provoking post about something that we would all like to forget about seeing...when we're not even at the gym!  Sheesh…so disturbing….so here’s what happened… the other day I was yet again on my way to take my daughter to school (yeah…I know that kid is totally going to be traumatized once she finds out that she has been in school FOREVER…she’s going to be pissed when she finds out…I should probably start building my end of the world shelter now as a pre-emptive strike right?) and as I am cruising down the hill I see these cyclists on my right. When I see them I start to get a little bit pissed off because everyone knows that this stretch of  the road is really narrow and unless you have a death wish you should NEVER ride your bike on it…like EVER…but of course all of the exercise freaks always have to get their adrenaline junkie on and tempt “Frogger” fate by cycling down this stretch of the mountain.  A.Holes!  Any hoo…as I near them I see that the guy in the back looks like he is wearing some form of weird striped top but as I get even closer I realize that it is not a stripe at all…it is actually his blinding white fat creeping out from the bottom of his spandex TIGHT bike top and as my eyes start making their way down it is then that I see the money shot!  Why yes…as my old eyes wander down the fat bulges I see a huge BUTT Crack waving at me from the top of his bike shorts that are dangerously making their way down his large WHITE ASS!  OMG!  Seriously?  Does the dude not feel a little bit of a draft making its way across his ass cheeks?  With all of that crack showing the wind must have felt like a hurricane thundering down that monstrous crack…thinking that we could name it Hurricane Wideload and for disaster relief we could donate that dude some stucco to plug that shit up!  WTF right?  Had to fight the urge to roll down my window and do a drive by duct taping of his shirt to his shorts so that nobody else would be traumatized on their way to work by witnessing such a large crack on a very white moon!  OMG!  This is just another nail in the ol’ spandex coffin in that yet again I feel the need to rant about people and their love for spandex…so here goes…if you are hot and in some serious shape by all means spandex your hot ass away!  However, if are NOT in shape someone should be a friend and let you know that spandex is really not for you…Spanx perhaps but spandex….N to the F’in O!  Yikes…oh and to add insult to injury the dude was NOT fit people…he was large and it looked like his ass cheeks were one chomp away from eating his bike seat up whole!  OMG!  I seriously felt that Ensure that I had for breakfast threaten to make a re-appearance that scene was so gross!  That liquid crap is just nasty on the first pass down so threatening a round two at the back of my throat was so not happening people!  YIKES! So yet again, all of you out in the blogosphere are probably wondering what is the purpose of this over bloated blathering about ass cheeks right?  Well…apparently I felt the need to give all of you all a little bit of advice on how to wear the proper bike attire in that if you think that your shirt might ride up and your shorts make their way down to no man’s land maybe you should think about wearing a unitard…at least then all you have to worry about is the shape and size of your junk-n-stuff and not about your ass crack waving to us like it was the Queen of England!  Yikes…I seriously need a chat with Prince Valium here and let him know that if he continues to be a bad boyfriend I might have to leave his ass for the Viscount of Tequila…now THAT dude hasn’t failed me EVER!  Sigh…this is just so very wrong on so many levels!


What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  Baby Got Back, by Sir-Mix-A lot.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday- Hip Hoppin’ in the 90’s

OK people out in the blogosphere this week on the Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday Blog Hop @ it's all about the 90’s.  As I pondered on the many themes that I could use for this fabulous musical inspired post I started to think about what I was listening to in the 90’s…sadly enough…I was listening to a lot of…Hip Hop music!  I know if you were to look at me, you would not think that this little Korean chick was that street right?  Well…apparently I am because when I started to think about all of the old school Hip Hop and Rap that was popular in the 90’s it did not take me any time AT ALL to come up with a top five list…this is a very sad moment in my life people…moment of silence here…OK…the time to be silent is OVAH…we are going to bring out the bass here people…so get ready…here are my top five Hip Hop/RAP songs of the 90’s….

Salt N Peppa-What A Man-Yes…I remember dancing in the clubs to this song with my Friends inspired choice of clothing and chunky heeled penny loafers…yeah…this is yet another fashion faux pas that I have to admit to EVERYONE out in the Blogoshphere!  YIKES!

Digital Underground-The Humpty Dance-So this was also a club favorite…and what is up with the dude with the big nose glasses?  I still don’t get that look…like at all…sheesh!

Gansters Paradise-Coolio-So the Movie Dangerous Minds was pretty good…and well this song makes me bob my head, crank my bass up, and get my dance on!

2Pac-California Love-This song reminds me of riding down to the beach in So Cal with my sun roof down…beats blaring…ah yeah…I am just that street yo!  HAHAHAAAA!

Ice Cube-Check You Self-This song is one of those songs that I remember being mixed into a lot of other House mixes at the clubs…what can I say…Ice Cube apparently loves the F* bomb…it is ALL over this song!


Bonus Pick: It’s Not Unusual-Dance by Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  I know that this is TOTALLY not rap or Hip Hop BUT this dance is just too Hilarious to NOT post!  HHAHHAHAHHAAA!


OK so there you go blogosphere…the top five Hip Hop/Rap songs of the 90’s!  I think that all of this bass is probably going to NOT make my neighbors happy but whatever…it’s Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday Biatches…they can suck it up!  HAHAHAAAAA!

What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  Straight Out of Compton, by NWA





Sunday, July 14, 2013

Grumpy Cat Is A Genius!

OK people out in the blogosphere I was wandering around Facebook the other day and came across one of my friends posts that inspired me to write this little short diatribe about…of all things…the great and fabulous Grumpy Cat.  So here’s what inspired me to write this fabulous post...the other day I logged into good ol’ trusty Facebook to read about all of the riveting and thought provoking posts from my friends and family (not really…it is just a bunch of overloaded crap but I am drawn in to it like a fly is drawn to a big ol’ cowpie…yes…I just said cowpie! Ha!) and I came across one that was pretty funny about Grumpy Cat.  This is going to sound really sad, but I really didn’t know who or what this thought provoking cat was, but when I realized that he was hosting a contest, I felt compelled to find out what all of the hype was about…it’s not every day that a grumpy ol’ cat gives away anything except dropping a big ol’ present in his kitty litter box or even better…gifting you with a properly formed hair ball…yeah…the hair balls are the BEST EVER…NOT!  So gross… anyhoo…so I wandered over to the crazy cat’s Facebook page   and realized that this cat is like… super famous! What.The.Hell?  I must have been living under a rock, because I didn’t realize that this "frownie faced cat" was so popular that it has a butt load of followers…WTF?  How in the hell does a cat that basically tells you to F* OFF have that many followers?  As I sat there and pondered this thought I realized…GRUMPY CAT IS A GENIUS!  I often talk about how I need to invent something because I seriously do NOT want to have to work anymore…so why couldn’t I think of making bank by putting insults on pictures of a grouchy ol’ cat that is licking its ass?  Made me want to start posting my  witty thought provoking insults as Bitchy Middleage Mommy and see if I get as many followers that adore me because they think that I am just that charming...without the whole licking your ass part...HAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Hmmm…throwing around insults while you look like the Crypt Keeper is probably NOT going to get me that many followers…thinking that I should have thought that whole “Botox or Not to Botox” debacle through so that I could get some more followers like that fabulous cat…oh wait…I would have to be cute and cuddly while I insult your ass…yeah not happening…I have the ass part down and people it’s pretty big and so NOT cute!  HAHHAHAHAAA!  I have to admit that whoever the owner is of this cat has to be making a fortune off of its grumpy butt…hmmmm….wondering if that kitty cat gets pampered from all of the profits that his grumpiness makes for his owners?  Does he get kitty massages and sushi every night?  I know that if I had that many followers I totally would be exploiting that shit…I would be expecting celebrity perks and demanding that I be a guest host on Ellen…thinking that I might have to try to finagle an interview during Christmas so that I can get some swank swag out of the whole thing right? AND how in the hell did Grumpy Cat land a hug from the hot brother from Vampire Diaries as witnessed below:
Seriously?  The only action that I get is an uncomfortable tongue gesture from a very disgusting trash guy and this cat is hugging hotties?  WTF?  I seriously need to rethink my priorities here…Sheesh!  So you all are probably wondering what is the point of all of this no nonsense verbal diarrhea right?  Well…the point is that I need to invent something like a pet rock app and make millions so that I don’t have to be jealous of a grouchy faced cat that is making that owner one happy LOADED camper!  Whoever created Grumpy cat is a genius…oh and BTW…the pet rock app does exist…I looked it up…you can download it for .99 at the app store!  Sheesh…see I can’t even create an imaginary app…I am doomed to work until I am 80…where is a grouchy cat when you need one right?!  Sigh…*sounds of slurping Tequila through an industrial size straw inserted here*…


What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  What’s New Pussycat, by Tom Jones

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Fashion Flashback Friday-Celebrity Inspired Looks for the 80’s

OK people out in the blogosphere…it’s not hard to understand that I am a total 80’s freak!  So what would a Fashion Flashback Friday post be without…why yes…a post about 80’s fashion!  Duh right?  So I am NOT going to keep all of you waiting in anticipation for all of the glorious looks to come…so let’s get this crazy costume party started!  Here we go…the top five Celebrity inspired looks of the 80’s:


Madonna-OK so EVERY girl in the 80’s had something fashion oriented that was Madonna inspired!  I personally was a huge fan of the lace glove thing with the layering of bracelets that looked some sadistic Mad Max inspired sleeve thingies  that seriously could have been used as weapons!  Sheesh…this is just a lot of layering and ZEBRA going on in this look!   

Molly Ringwald-16 Candles-So I am a HUGE 16 Candles fan and I have to admit that I tried to sport this look and FAILED miserably!  There are a small subset of human beings that can pull off this look…sadly I was NOT one of them!  I think that it was the hat…yeah…I am going to blame it on THAT HAT! YIKES! So UGLY!

Michael Jackson-The Zipper Look-Holy Crap!  This is a crazy amount of zippers…on of all things LEATHER! I always wondered what he possibly wanted to keep from falling out that inspired him to need so many zippers…maybe he was channeling Napoleon Dynamite and just wanted to keep his Tater Tots Safe!  HAHAHAAHAAAA!

Tom Cruise-The Preppy Look-I have to admit…Tom Cruise could totally pull off this Preppy buttoned up Oxford Shirt look!  Apparently this look is way hotter if you don’t wear pants…I’m just sayin’…

Boy George—The Dude Looks Like A Lady Look-I have to admit…this dude is the prettiest boy that I have ever seen!  I often wondered how long it took him to get ready in the morning…I know that if I had to pull off this look it might take me FOREVER!  Wow…I am at a loss for words for how pretty he looks…yeah…I just said a boy looked pretty…only in the 80’s right? 

Bonus Pick: The Cast of Saved By The Bell-There is a crap load of acid washing going on in this look…this pic makes me want to dust off my puffy sleeved dress and put a big ol’ bow on my head!  Yikes…look at all of the fashion disasters going on in this pic…wow...these flashbacks are scaring the HELL out of me!   


Well there you go blogosphere…the top five celebrity inspired fashion faux pas of the 80’s!  Is it just me that wants to don a pair of fluffy socks and dance around my kitchen "Tom Cruise” style? Yummm….Risky Business…that was a whole lotta Tom Cruise (before the whole dancing on the couch TomKat whackadoodle thing he had going on) hotness right there…I just want to be his shirt…I just want to be his shirt!  HAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!


What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  In The Air Tonight, by Phil Collins





Monday, July 8, 2013

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday-80's Rock N Roll Ladies

OK people in the blogosphere…this is part II of the glorious 80’s and I have to tell ya there are SO Many 80’s songs that are swirling around in my head it's so NOT funny! So I decided  to keep it simple and just go with the 80’s ladies that ROCK!  Thank you Jen Kehl @ for hosting this fabulous Blog Hop!  So let’s get this 80’s party started before I put the finishing touches on my pink teased bangs and clip a feather to my long flowing locks!  I am again…just that cool!  So enough already...let’s get this crazy 80's themed party started!

Heart-What About Love-OK so this song makes me just want to grab a mic, stand on a bar, and sing my out of tune heart out!  This song is just that AWESOME!


Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne-Close My Eyes Forever-OK so Ozzy is not a lady BUT sheesh in this video his hair is really a close tie to Lita’s teased up locks!  Either way…this song is pretty good!  Reminds me of hanging outside in the high school parking lot right before class started…I can smell the cigarette smoke from here! How PC were we right?  HAHAHAHAAAA!


Joan Jett-I Love Rock N Roll-OK…so my sister and I used to blast this in our living room and "air guitarred" our asses off!  YIKES…what a visual huh?  HAHAHAHAAA!


Pat Benatar-Love Is A Battlefield-I remember watching this video on MTV and wanting to get her style on!  She has some pretty good moves too in that dance set as well!


Tina Turner and Bryan Adams-It’s Only Love-So Tina is just the Shizz but when she sings this song with Bryan Adams, something seriously comes over me and I again…feel the need for an out of tune sing-o-rama combined with a little bit of…sigh…yes air guitar!  So sad…yeah I know!


Bonus Pick:  Vixen-Cryin’-I vaguely remember this band coming out in the 80’s BUT this video is just too Funny to NOT post!  Check out the outfits and the hair on these chicks!  Holy Crap that is A LOT of leather and spiked hair/heels going on here!  This is just Hilarious!


So there you go blogosphere!  The top 5 Rock N Roll ladies of the 80’s!  I have to tell ya…that Vixen video is inspiring me to dust off the ol’ leather skirt and fishnets…FOR HALLOWEEN!  Yikes!  Seriously…that is a lot of crazy 80’s attire going on in that video!  SO SCARY!

What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary: Love Song, by Tesla

Sunday, July 7, 2013

What You Talkin' About Willis?

OK fellow bloggers, if you have been following my overly bloated bloggary, you know that my mother is an OLD VAIN PIMA (Pain In My Ass…thought that I would share that with ya since this blog does not come with an acronyms list…I know I’m lazy…what can I say? Ha!) that cannot hear an F’in thing!  So frustrating!  So here’s a little bit of back ground as to how I got to this frustrating point with her… so about two years ago my mother started to lose her hearing…at first it was mildly annoying to find out that she could not hear you…like when…oh say… you’re at Macy’s and when you excitedly tell her that that this sale is the SHIZZNIZZLE she yells “You have to take a Shit?” like in public…at the top of her lungs in her crazy broken English! So embarrassing! True story people… really happened…teaches me to use my street lingo on my little delicate Korean mother!  HAHAHAHA!  But seriously let’s just put it out there…this is not the first time that my body functions have been ousted in public…my daughter has questioned my ability to hold in a butt bomb at the Super Target…also at the top of her little four year old lungs… so sadly I am not an amateur in trying to feign my knowledge of my family members in a public place.  I am a trained ninja when it comes to evasive maneuvers when you have been publicly humiliated…it is a defensive sport I invested in early on in order to cope with MY FAMILY members!  YIKES! Not only is my daughter embarrassing me with her feeling the need to ask me if I have FARTED in public but now my mother is outing my Gastrointestinal tract’s abilities in of all places the cooking department at Macy’s!  Thinking that Martha Stewart is probably not aware that her cookware would incite the need for EX-LAX…hmmmm….also thinking that I should tell her that she could use that idea as super MACY’s  campaign for Christmas!  Just think of the sales she could have if she combined her snazzy Crock Pot with a recipe for a baked bean EX-LAX surprise as a deterrent to having family members stay through the holidays!  I would totally consider that recipe if it meant that my mother would GO AWAY…OK without the shitting your pants part…my bathrooms can only take so much…I’m just sayin’!  Sheesh!  Any hoo…getting us back on track here…so after that disaster at the mall…I asked her what the F* is up with her hearing and she was like…”…oh it is kind of leaving me…”  First of all…WHAT.THE.F* does that cryptic Confucius crap mean? Apparently it means that her hearing decided that she has been a big pain in its aural ass and gave her the finger! So after Buddha had explained to me the meaning of life, I finally get around to asking her if she was going to get a hearing aid and she was like “…no…those things are ugly!” and then she gave me her best Medusa and continued to scrutinize the tortilla warmers that are innocently waiting for her onslaught of Korean judgment! Poor tortilla warmers never knew what hit them!  HA!  After that incident her hearing has gotten so bad that she can barely hear anything that you have to say!  It is so frustrating! So let’s just cut to the chase here…I had to call her on her birthday a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to share with you the dialog…with a little bit of a visual helping aid of what my mother looks like…picture a Korean Peg Bundy…are you there yet?  If so…here we go:
Dad: “Heeeeeellllllloooooo?” My dad answers the phone and after the time travel wormhole has closed (he talks so damn slow) I finally get to respond with:

Me: “Hey Dad…what’s up?” OK…trying to still act coherent here but I am already fading…FAST!

Dad: “OHHHH….Nothing much...” awkward silence commences here…tick tock tick tock tick tock…

Me: “Ummm is mom around? I wanted to wish her a Happy Birthday?” Still trying to feign interest here but it is getting harder by the reversal in time process brought on by father’s inability to speak quickly!  Sheesh!

Dad: “Oh yeah…she’s in the kitchen…let me get her”  Oh yay…I am now jumping for joy that I get to speak to my no filter mother…it was a great experience the last time when she told me that I sounded fat…thinking this time she will tell me that I need to moisturize more to deter the obvious aging process that she can sense OVER THE PHONE!  Seriously…that woman has a talent…I should show case her on Those Amazing Animals and make a fortune!  HAAHAHAHAAA!

Me:  “OK…thanks!”  Sweat is now dripping down my face as I wait for my mother to pick up the phone…silently wishing that I didn’t eat that bean burrito at Taco Hell…it seems to agree with my mother’s comments at that mall!  HAHAHAHAHAHAAA! 

Mom:  “Hewouw?” OK so she doesn’t really sound like an Asian cartoon character BUT she seriously has issues pronouncing the letter L!  No lie…really can’t pronounce them…she’s great at dinner parties!  Try to get her to say LaLaLoopsy…that is a party winner right there!  Entertainment for hours! 

Me:  “Hey mom…Happy Birthday!”  Trying to cut to the chase here so that I can just hang up…I know I am a horrible daughter…but she is just well…such a MOTHER!  Sheesh!

Mom: “Who dis?” Seriously?  She cannot hear me and my rocket scientist of a father apparently can’t let her know who is on the phone!  Already feeling my sanity slip a little here…

Me: “Mom…it’s me!” I am kind of yelling now…oh and did I tell you that I am calling her over the Bluetooth in the car and my daughter is listening in to all of this?  Ah yeah…good times!

Mom:  “I can’t hear…who dis?”  OK…now I want to strangle her and my father both at this point! 

Me and my daughter yelling at the top of our lungs:  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!”

Mom:  “Oh…thank you!”  Finally thinking that I have made progress here…but then…

Me: “So did you get anything good?”

Mom: “Whah?” Holy Crap…here we go again!

Me: “DID YOU GET ANYTHING GOOD?” Totally shouting here!

Mom: “I can’t hear you…” She is actually doing that Asian shy laughing thing now…I want to slap her!

Me: “Mom…give the phone to dad!” I’ve had it…I need to yell at my Einstein of a father for allowing this conversation to go this long! YIKES!

Mom: “Whah?”  OMG!  I realize that I am telling a DEAF person to do something…this could take FOREVER! 

Me:  “HAND THE PHONE TO DAD” I am screaming like a mental patient now!

My daughter:  “Mom…stop yelling…Grandma can’t hear you when you yell in her ear!” OK…that is JUST HILARIOUS!  I start to get a little crazy laugh going on and I can’t stop because this is just SO beyond the loony bin it’s just not funny!  Now I am desperately pawing through my purse for my boyfriend Prince Valium to whisk me away from this train wreck called MY MOTHER! 

Mom: “Whah?”  Oh for F’s sake really?  Where in the F* is my father here?  I am thinking that I might have to resort to calling the neighbor and have them run on over and let them know that I have hung up on their ass at this point…SO RIDICULOUS!

Dad:  “HHHHHEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY” OMG!  I have gone from Helen Keller here to a very Texan Forest Gump!  Prince Valium is NOT being a good boyfriend here and helping me out…I’m just sayin’…

Me:  “Dad…can you PLEASE get her a Frickin’ hearing aid?  This is crazy!” I all but screech at him…

Dad:  “Whaaaaaaaattttttt?”  OK…this is when I claim that I was going through the mountains and got cut off here and hang up on his ASS! My brain can only take so much torture in one day!  HOLY SHIT!  Seriously?  WHAT.THE.F* is the deal with my mother NOT wanting to get a hearing aid? After multiple shots of Tequila and a chat with the Prince… I realized that she is seriously that VAIN and it’s not like I haven’t shown her that some are so microscopic that you can’t even see them in your ears  but she still REFUSES to get a set!  So frustrating! I seriously think that it all comes down to her inability to wear them because they don’t match her Peg Bundy attire and that her big ol’ bee hive hairdo might start a revolution if she has the nerve to don a pair of hearing aid devices!  WTF right? This is just so RIDICULOUS!  So fellow bloggers there you go…a play by play on how I gave my mother her Happy Birthday Greeting…I’m available if any of you in the blogosphere feel the need to use my oh so special voice in your personalized Hallmark greeting card to your loved one!  My e-mail is full of requests…I apparently have a highly desired screeching skill set…my mother would be so PROUD!

What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary:  Come On Feel The Noise, by Quiet Riot.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday-80’s Hair Bands That Rock!

OK fellow bloggers this weeks theme on Twisted Mix Tape Tuesday is the glorious 80's!  Since I am basically all about the 80’s there was NO WAY that I was going to miss out on this glorious Blog Hop!  Thanks again to Jen Kehl @ for coming up with this fabulous idea!  So since I am basically dancing around in anticipation of getting this Aqua Net hair party started, I am just going to get this going…like right now!  So here you go blogosphere…my top five 80’s Hair Bands that Rock!  You're Welcome!

Quiet Riot-Come On Feel the Noise-I remember getting ready for school listening to this song and having to continuously rewind my tape so that I could listen to it OVER AND OVER AGAIN!  Did I tell you that my tape deck was pink?  Ah yeah…that’s kind of embarrassing…

Scorpions-Rock You Like A Hurricane-OK…so I cannot lie…I used to party to this song…I hope that my mother is not reading this…if she is she might NOW understand why I slept in SO much on Saturday’s and hated LOUD noises...well that totally equated to her constant Korean screeching that was aimed AT ME...yeah good times!  HAHAHAHAHA!


Twisted Sister-We’re Not Going To Take It-This song reminds of Coach Verner from the Breakfast Club…that dude was a douche!


RATT-Round and Round-So this is going to sound really scary…but I used to listen to this song in my mother’s black Trans Am…on 8 track!  Sheesh…that sounds SO OLD! Oh BTW…I totally forgot that Milton Berle was in this video…totally hilarious! 

Skid Row-Youth Gone Wild-So Basically we used to listen to this when we were feeling a little bit rebellious…which was quite often…I lived in a small town what can I say...we didn't have a lot to do! HAHAHAHAHHAAA!

So there you go blogosphere the top five Hair Band songs from the 80’s…I am one tease away from Aqua Netting the crap out my hair, donning a pair of 501’s with the knees ripped out, and bathing myself in Love's Baby Soft…yeah…I am just that cool…ummmm...not so much right?!  HAHAHAHAA!

What am I listening to as I pen this bloggary:  Wait, by White Lion.