OK…so here’s the deal…how many of you out in the blogosphere think that when you are in a car that you are in some kind of concealed cylinder of darkness and that we are all blind to what you are doing? You know…like where people cannot see or hear what you are doing inside the confines of your obviously comfortable vehicle that allows you to do things like…I don’t know…go NOSE MINING?! UGH! So Gross! So here’s what happened…I was taking my daughter to school (it’s takes like 45 minutes to go like 15 miles…so I have plenty of time to take in my surroundings and cuss…like a lot… at all of the idiot drivers around me…I digress…AGAIN! ) and when we get to a stop light I kind of look over to the car that has slowly sidled up next to mine and when I do…I see that the dude has his finger up his nose! He is clearly digging for the lost nugget in the SF gold rush because he has his finger so far up his shnaz that I can barely see his knuckle! SO GROSS! I turn my head away in disgust, but just like any train wreck, I just can’t seem to help myself from taking one last horrific look and when I do I see him pull his nasty ass finger out of his nose socket and casually wipe it on the steering wheel! GAH! Does he not realize that I am basically in the passenger seat of his vehicle while he is busy rooting around for nose nuggets and I CAN SEE HIM!? I fail to understand how he does not think that it would gross me or anyone else out by doing such things in the confines of his car, let alone wipe his finger on the steering wheel?! The scene was so disgusting that I felt a little bit of my breakfast threaten to make a reappearance! Oh and don’t get me started on the fact that after he wiped, he casually looks around to see if anyone has been or was watching him and when he sees me watching him in disgust, he slowly turns his head towards the road, and then I see him casually rub the excess schnaz juice off on the steering wheel with the palm of his hand! VOMITING HERE!!!! Made me second guess my ability to shake anyone’s hand EVER AGAIN or driving anyone else’s vehicle! UGH! As the light turned green, and I hauled ass out of there like I was a professional NASCAR driver, it got me thinking as to what I have seen people do in their cars that is SO NOT RIGHT and here are the top 5:
· Picking a nasty ass scab off their face so hard that it looks like they are orchestrating a flea circus
· Shaving…seriously? If you are that late that you have to shave in your car I would hate to have to work with you and smell that you are too late to shower too! UGH! Really?
· Curling your hair...WOW! That takes some serious multi-tasking talent and I would hate to see that person’s hair after they get finished! Sheesh!
· Putting on mascara…while the car is moving…having a hard time understanding how…I don’t know… they can SEE where they are going? Totally ridiculous!
· Brushing your teeth! Words cannot describe how that person, with the frothy toothpaste excess oozing out of their mouth, looked like as they spit it into a cup like it was a spittoon! SO WRONG!
Again…how do these people who were committing these heinous crimes, in the name of hygiene, think that it is OK to do them? Maybe they think that because they have tinted windows that they are in some sort of Sci-Fi invisible zone that allows them to do these things and not have anyone SEE THEM? I want to roll down my window and scream “WTF?! I can totally see you!” But then maybe (like that dill weed nose picker) people just don’t care? I know that I do…I care that I have to witness these acts as I am innocently perched next to them in my vehicle while they perform these crude things in front of me! Seriously…they need to get a dictionary and look up the term bathroom…it might change their life…I know that it would change the life of my old ass shock ridden eyes! Sheesh! Seriously... what the hell?!
What I am listening to as I rant in this bloggary: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark, by Fall Out Boy.