Friday, April 5, 2013

I Have Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!

For all of you out in the blogosphere who laugh like a mad man when people fall…well then this blog is for you!  I am just going to cut to the chase here…I am one of those sadistic people that laugh when people trip and fall!  I don’t know why I think that it is so funny but I seriously do and as I think back to all of the times that I have done this hideous act of “unkindness” (I promise  you all that after I can breathe again I ask them if they are OK…I really do!)  I wanted to share with you one of the funnier ones that I can remember…it’s a doozy so stay with me here…I guarantee that you will understand my laugh fest at his expense.  OK…so a very long time ago when I was just starting out my engineering career, I worked in a lab integrating software applications where (of course because I am a nerdy engineer) all of my co-workers were and still are all male.   Being the only girl in that type of environment really gave me the thick skin that was required to work in a predominantly male dominating profession and I thank all of you that were asshats to me during that time of my life because it really made me the smart ass that I am today!   Hence this Blogfest!  Any hoo…I was working on a software problem down on the lab floor when one of our PHD’s comes over to request my assistance to work on another software problem at the other end of the lab.  I have to tell you that when a PHD asks you to do something in my company, you drop everything and follow them like they are the Prince of Assland….they feel like they have earned that type of respect so when they ask you to jump you are supposed to obey like some idiot that is clearly beneath their PHDness.  It’s moments like  these where I feel like Walowitz from the Big Bang Theory…you know the one that ONLY has his Masters degree whereas the others clearly are over-achieving Doctor’s in  their area of expertise which is clearly practicing the art of being haughty and overbearing!  Anyway…I digress!  So I, being the great Lemming that I am, quickly get up to follow him to the back of the lab that slightly resembles a teenagers bedroom because there is so much crap half ass put together with all sorts of cables running amok all over the floor!  So…I… being the NICE person that I am…warn the putz that he needs to watch his step.  So what does he do?  He turns around to continue to berate me as he walks backwards because he clearly cannot get his point across by NOT telling this to me to my FACE!  He then proceeds to  trip on a Cat5 cable on the floor, and falls flat on his back… with a thud on the hard tiled floor…letting out a huge girly squeal that reverberates off the walls of the entire lab as he comes crashing down!  So…did I forget to mention that this guy is really tall and crazy  thin?  Yeah…he went down like a ton of bricks!  I immediately placed  my hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter, and asked him through chokes and sputters if he was OK?  He looks up at me with eyes the size of saucers, blinks a little bit and nods his head that’s he’s alright.  Right then and there I just kind of lost it!  I started to laugh so hard that I had to bend over and clench my stomach for support I was laughing so hard!   I ASSURE all of you in blogger land that he was fine!  I did offer my hand to help him up but after my laugh fest at his expense, he clearly was not in any mood to take my charitable hand to help his bony ass up!  The really funny part about all of this was that the lab had tons of engineers in it, and after it happened, people were coming up to me asking ME if I was OK (not the ginormous guy who fell) but yes they were concerned for me…the one that was laughing so hard that she felt the need to contact the Astropants people to endorse their product because she clearly peed her pants during this whole ordeal and to her surprise NO leaks!  HA!  In my defense, I did try to inquire to his well being after he was presented the Oscar for the most dramatic “FALL of the Year” award but oddly enough he wasn’t speaking to me?  Huh?  So perplexed here as to why?!  Just kidding…but now everyone thinks that I am some sort of sadist freak that laughs when people get hurt…I’m really not...but I have to admit that there is just something in me that laughs when people go down for the count!  To me when a person bites the big one it’s just hilarious.  I choke it up to the crazed and  "OH F*"look on their face as the go down.  PRICELESS!  Maybe I am a sadistic fool that clearly needs therapy to identify “The Event” that clearly made me this way…but all I can say is that YouTube is full of videos of stupid people doing ridiculous crap…so I can’t be alone can I?  All of you out in the blogosphere need to let me know what you think here…I am hoping again that I am not alone here on my little “laugh my ass of at your expense” island!  
What am I listening to as I blog this rant:  Poker Face, by Lady GaGa 

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