I have to tell ya fellow bloggers…there are many things in
my life that I would rather not see or know about and what I saw/learned about
today was one of those things that totally fits into that category…so here’s
what happened. I was on my long trek to
take my daughter to pre-school (yes…even in the summer time the girl cannot
catch a break here…apparently macaroni necklaces are also a summer school craft
as well…who knew right? ) and as I am about ready to pass the high school this
HUGE Ford truck pulls out in front of me.
As I was silently cussing them out (I have to act like some form of
adult here so instead of cussing them out like a sailor I gave them the finger!
HA! I am such the poster child for
proper parenting behavior here…yes I am available for briefings at parenting
conferences if you all were wondering!
HA!) for cutting me off and as I
am shaking my head at the dual stove pipes that are bordering each door like
some form of bubba lace (thinking that Martha Stewart would be soooo proud of
their decorating skills here…clearly they watch the DIY decorating for Bubba’s
channel! Those pipes are so charming….NOT!) but as I get closer to the vehicle
I see something dangling off of the trailer hitch. I can’t quite make out what it is, so of
course I have to inch my car up so close that I can smell their camouflage
paint job, and what I saw was downright WRONG…yes people out in the blogosphere
this is what my old eyes saw swaying in the wind:
WTF are those you are all wondering? Well why yes…they are a set of Bubba nuggets
that are lovingly placed so that innocent people like me can wander upon them
and adoring gaze at them gently rocking back and forth like they were being
rocked to sleep by a sadistic bassinette from Skeeterville! YIKES!
So I know that these nuts are sooooo wrong on sooooo many levels, but
like anything that is wrong and nasty (not referencing porn here people…I am not that addicted
to streaming video Sheesh! I have Skinemax for that crap! HAHAHAHAHAH! Just Kidding! ) I had to go look
them up on the Internet to see what they are all about and apparently there are
stores upon stores that sell these truck balls in all different shapes and
sizes….hmmmm…..thinking that they wanted to get a real take on the ol’ acorns
here…you know the old saying about small feet right? I don’t think they meant
to say small socks…just sayin’…any hoo…so if you have a small truck then you
purchase a small pair in whatever color your little heart desires! I also found out that if you are a bubbanista
(bubba fashionista) you can also get patterns on your family jewels as witnessed
below:
I personally do not think that “the boys” organically come
in American Flag print…I have never seen this phenomenon have you? Oh…BTW…don’t think that the American Flag
should be used as nut covers…I’m just sayin’….
According to Wikipedia…truck nuts are such a great addition
to our natural scenery…NOT!..to the point that various states are outlawing the
display of such artistic creativity. The nerve right? Apparently some politician was knocked out on
his ass as he walked by one of these monsters swaying in the wind and took
offense…sheesh…that dude needs to relax right?
Not really…I have to agree with this rule but the kicker of it all is
that in 2007 some LADY in South Carolina was pulled over and cited for adorning
Truck Nutz to her fabulous vehicle…oddly enough the trial is still pending! Sheesh…apparently she is a Nutz fan and is not
too embarrassed to show it! She is
probably the lady in this picture with a pair on her phone:
Hmmmm…I wonder how much she got paid to be the model for
phone cajones…I am hoping that she got a pretty penny because this is EMBARRASSING
and will haunt this chick even when she is in the rest home with this
contraption attached to her wheelchair!
Sheesh! This whole nuts on trucks is just soooo very wrong on multiple
levels…I wanted to explain the whole castration process to those dudes in their
big ass truck of shame as I chased them down with a set of nut cutters A.K.A
bolt cutters from hell! Sheesh! SO GROSS!
So people out in the blogosphere, if you have seen a pair of
nutz on a truck please comment and share…I am about ready to go on a Navy Seals
night op here and spray paint those babies BLUE and then leave a copy of 50
Shades of Grey underneath their monster truck windshield wipers! Sheesh!
This is wrong on so many levels….
What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary: Ain’t It Funny, by JLO
Good god. WHo would want to date some guy with balls hanging off his truck? Kind of a turn off....
ReplyDeleteOMG! I know right?! These are so NASTY and just plain wrong...if some dude picked me up with a pair of those hanging off his ride I would walk right back into my house and lock the door! YIKES!
DeleteOMG I have seen these before. They are so grotesque! Idk if you've had the pleasure of seeing them up close, but they usually have, Hm, how do I put this lightly, the proper veins/winkles as well. Barf.
ReplyDeleteKallie, But First Coffee Blog and, But First Coffee on Bloglovin
That is so GROSS! I just wanted to ask those fools if they thought that they were going to pick up any chicks with a set of balls hanging off their truck of shame! Now that I know that they are hmmm...anatomically correct...it just re-affirms my night op plans! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!
DeleteI found you from the Night Owl Blog Hop. Holy cow this is funny!!! I have wondered for a while what the fascination with a set of nuts dangling from the back of a vehicle was. To me it seems like a sad thing sort of like the dude driving has lost his manhood to the woman or something I dont know but I am still drawn to them like a bad car wreck. I wonder what was going through their head as they fixate those to their vehicles.....
ReplyDeleteOh Jaimie...once you get close to these suckers you realize how nasty these Nutz really are! They truly are a train wreck...it's like you can't keep from looking at them like if you stare at them hard enough they will GO AWAY! Thanks for finding me on the Night Owl Blog Hop! I will pop on over there again this weekend to link up!
Deleteomg! I've seen these on trucks too. My kids went nuts when they saw it. No pun.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell ya that I was thinking that it was a sad...very sad joke...but then I saw the bubba's happily perched in their monster truck of shame and I realized...yeah this is so not a joke but a NIGHTMARE! I have to say that your kids probably were ROFL at them...they are so hideous that they would make teenagers laugh their asses off! Sheesh!
DeleteI just lost my breakfast. That is so completely over the top ridiculous and obnoxious. Should we start pasting boobs on our bumpers now? The guys with truck balls will probably say yes. Oy vei!
ReplyDeleteI seriously did not know what I was looking at until I was right up on those nasty suckers! Your idea about the boobs are GENIUS...we could just re-affirm the meaning of the term headlights! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
DeleteI HATE those things. The guy who dangles them from his bumper clearly is compensating for something;). Thanks for linking up at the Owl's Skull this week!! Jess
ReplyDeleteThere are all of these pics of nasty fat bubba's sitting on their bumpers, legs spread with those things just hanging between their legs! The kicker of it all is that they have this stupid PROUD expression on their faces...so wrong!
DeleteMost of the guys that my hubby used to ride bulls with had those on their trucks. And a couple were even blue. :) It just seems to be another addition to the "beer, bulls, frog giggin', etc" that country boys like. They're mostly harmless, so I just ignore it.
ReplyDeleteI'd take those over the guys wearing their pants under their butts and showing their underwear. Now THAT is gross. Pull up yer damn pants already!
Oh don't get me starts on the pants dropping fashion antics of the teenage and younger twenty-somethings...if I wanted to see that much butt crack I would go to Wal Mart! Sheesh! So WRONG!
Delete