I have to tell ya fellow bloggers…there are many things in my life that I would rather not see or know about and what I saw/learned about today was one of those things that totally fits into that category…so here’s what happened. I was on my long trek to take my daughter to pre-school (yes…even in the summer time the girl cannot catch a break here…apparently macaroni necklaces are also a summer school craft as well…who knew right? ) and as I am about ready to pass the high school this HUGE Ford truck pulls out in front of me. As I was silently cussing them out (I have to act like some form of adult here so instead of cussing them out like a sailor I gave them the finger! HA! I am such the poster child for proper parenting behavior here…yes I am available for briefings at parenting conferences if you all were wondering! HA!) for cutting me off and as I am shaking my head at the dual stove pipes that are bordering each door like some form of bubba lace (thinking that Martha Stewart would be soooo proud of their decorating skills here…clearly they watch the DIY decorating for Bubba’s channel! Those pipes are so charming….NOT!) but as I get closer to the vehicle I see something dangling off of the trailer hitch. I can’t quite make out what it is, so of course I have to inch my car up so close that I can smell their camouflage paint job, and what I saw was downright WRONG…yes people out in the blogosphere this is what my old eyes saw swaying in the wind:
WTF are those you are all wondering? Well why yes…they are a set of Bubba nuggets that are lovingly placed so that innocent people like me can wander upon them and adoring gaze at them gently rocking back and forth like they were being rocked to sleep by a sadistic bassinette from Skeeterville! YIKES! So I know that these nuts are sooooo wrong on sooooo many levels, but like anything that is wrong and nasty (not referencing porn here people…I am not that addicted to streaming video Sheesh! I have Skinemax for that crap! HAHAHAHAHAH! Just Kidding! ) I had to go look them up on the Internet to see what they are all about and apparently there are stores upon stores that sell these truck balls in all different shapes and sizes….hmmmm…..thinking that they wanted to get a real take on the ol’ acorns here…you know the old saying about small feet right? I don’t think they meant to say small socks…just sayin’…any hoo…so if you have a small truck then you purchase a small pair in whatever color your little heart desires! I also found out that if you are a bubbanista (bubba fashionista) you can also get patterns on your family jewels as witnessed below:
I personally do not think that “the boys” organically come in American Flag print…I have never seen this phenomenon have you? Oh…BTW…don’t think that the American Flag should be used as nut covers…I’m just sayin’….
According to Wikipedia…truck nuts are such a great addition to our natural scenery…NOT!..to the point that various states are outlawing the display of such artistic creativity. The nerve right? Apparently some politician was knocked out on his ass as he walked by one of these monsters swaying in the wind and took offense…sheesh…that dude needs to relax right? Not really…I have to agree with this rule but the kicker of it all is that in 2007 some LADY in South Carolina was pulled over and cited for adorning Truck Nutz to her fabulous vehicle…oddly enough the trial is still pending! Sheesh…apparently she is a Nutz fan and is not too embarrassed to show it! She is probably the lady in this picture with a pair on her phone:
Hmmmm…I wonder how much she got paid to be the model for phone cajones…I am hoping that she got a pretty penny because this is EMBARRASSING and will haunt this chick even when she is in the rest home with this contraption attached to her wheelchair! Sheesh! This whole nuts on trucks is just soooo very wrong on multiple levels…I wanted to explain the whole castration process to those dudes in their big ass truck of shame as I chased them down with a set of nut cutters A.K.A bolt cutters from hell! Sheesh! SO GROSS!
So people out in the blogosphere, if you have seen a pair of nutz on a truck please comment and share…I am about ready to go on a Navy Seals night op here and spray paint those babies BLUE and then leave a copy of 50 Shades of Grey underneath their monster truck windshield wipers! Sheesh! This is wrong on so many levels….
What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary: Ain’t It Funny, by JLO