OK people out in the blogosphere today’s rant is about how certain individuals (my time challenged husband is the poster child for what I am about to BLART!) have no concept of personal time or have the ability to comprehend the term patience…as in he thinks that everything has to happen absolutely RIGHT NOW and on his time table! SO ANNOYING! So here’s just a taste of how frustrating my household can be…OK so everyone out in the blogosphere who has been reading, my pathetic excuse for really cheap therapy A.K.A this bloggary, know that I (just like my “no concept of time” husband) work 40 hours a week, and with our daughter, let’s just say that the craziness of our household kind of resembles a “shark feeding frenzy chumfest” during the week and I look forward to the weekend where I can quasi relax and do my own thing. Sounds like a good plan right? Yeah not so much…when you have your family (I include my husband’s separation disordered, attention whoring dog in this definition of “family” as well!) up your butt the whole entire time! Sheesh…it seems like at every single turn I have someone or something all up in my grill wanting something from me that ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT! Seriously? I refuse to believe that if I don’t come immediately to assist when he has decided to…oh I don’t know…purchase a 600 pound BBQ and now, oddly enough, has NO CLUE how he is going to get this monstrosity TO OUR HOUSE…did I also mention that I am a vegetarian? Yeah that was a serious rocket scientist move there...NOT! What.An.Idiot! I have no idea how this grievous act of stupidity has anything to do with me because if you all in the blogosphere were to look at my noodle arms you would be probably advising him to get help with bigger “guns” because clearly these babies are not going to get him very far…not far at all! Again…no thought process at all going on here…thinking that all of that drinking in his early years killed all of his brain cells and the 1.5 pathetic fools that are left are struggling to keep up here…as in that poor little half of a cell has a trolling motor attached to it and is sadly running out of gas! WTF? Makes me want to enter him in some science experiment on the Discovery Channel to see if they can resurrect the other cells that RAN AWAY to try to help his brain challenged ass! Sheesh! Oh and don’t get me started on how he must have some weird sixth sense that tells him to bother me right when I have just SAT DOWN to relax! Sheesh! WTF? Also makes me want to call Bruce Willis and tell him that he has competition in the casting of the lead in Sixth Sense Reloaded where the plot has a little twist in that instead of some kid seeing dead people the poor fool gets to watch stupid time challenged people try to HELP THEMSELVES over and over again!!!! Again…so irritating! Oh and don’t get me started on how, if I try to ignore him and walk away, he PAGES me using the intercom function on…oh I don’t know…like the 9 thousand phones that are thrown around our house, to let me know that I need to come at his beck and call because he can’t figure out how to use the fridge or some other crazy stupid thing that has the nerve to confuse him! Seriously...WTF? And last but not least, this bloggary would not be complete if I did not give all of you in the blogosphere this little tidbit of TMI…why yes…I am constantly hounded when I am of course…on the throne! GAH! Can’t even pee without an audience…kept telling them (I have now lumped my daughter into this TMI rant!) that “peeing as fast as you can” was not one of the sports in the Summer Olympics but oddly enough they did not believe me…hence all of the un-needed, foam fingered cheering fans, IN MY BATHROOM! GAH! That’s a visual that all of you in blogger land can thank my other half for…LUCKY YOU…yeah not so much right?! All of you were also probably wondering how I knew so much about Astropants and port-a-potties...well now you know! I have to resort to such measures just to get some much needed TIME TO MYSELF!!!!! Sheesh! So…if any of you out in the blogosphere also have a “time challenged that lacks consideration” family member please feel free to comment and let me know because I just got an e-mail from the Astropants people asking me to star in one of their late night infomercials which, of course for a limited time only, will come with a free ShamWOW if you order RIGHT NOW!!!! GAH! Again…this is just so very WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS! W.T.F!?
What am I listening to as I rant in this Bloggary: Now, by Paramore