OK people out in the blogosphere…today’s little rant is about how I was hit on by a disgusting old dude in…why yes…a beat up old garbage truck that clearly needed to be entered into the Demolition Derby A LONG FREAKIN’ TIME AGO! Sheesh…I am SO needing that therapy session NOW! GAH! So here’s what happened…I was on my way to pick my daughter up from school, and again, when I have to wait at one of the many LONGEST stoplights ever, I look over and see that a kind of creepy scuzzy old guy is leaning out of his window and is staring at my car. Hmmmm….not quite understanding what the etiquette is in these types of situations, but when I see the guy lean even further out his nasty window, peer down, and suggestively lick his lips at me, I fight the urge to throw a Miss Manners book right in his nasty slobbered FACE! WTF? Who does this? Thinking that maybe his lips were just dry from having to hang his head out the window like a Labrador Retriever, with his old ass tongue hanging out, might have caused the chapping of his disgusting antiquated lips, and that he seriously was not trying to “sex me up” with his little over the top, make me want to vomit, gesture! GAH! So GROSS! I soooo felt the need to open my sun roof and throw a bucket full of Campho-Phenique at him (as a pre-emptive strike), before the CDC comes and hauls his ass away like they did with that little disease carrier Spider Monkey on that movie Outbreak! Sheesh! I kind of look at him with a disgusted look on my face, and I see that he is now smiling at me with a mouthful of yellowed teeth that look like they must have run REALLY FAST from the little whitening strips in the Colgate toothpaste bottle! WTF? Could this guy get any nastier? Well, why yes he can…he gives me one more chance to “hit this” with one last slobbery lick of his gross ass lips, then proceeds to give me a “how you doin?” wink like Joey from Friends, all the while wagging his eyebrows at me like he has some weird tic, and drives off, hand on the steering wheel head nodding like a P.I.M.P!!! HOLY SHIT! I wanted to yell at him “WTF? Does that really work for you and if it does, is the woman or man alive from this PLANET?” Thinking that even aliens have standards and would have probably used that dude for experimentation…hmmm…also thinking that I recognized him from one of those Tru Stories specials on the reality channel where they interviewed people who had been abducted by space aliens and let them tell us how they were “interrogated” into their alien culture! HA! Holy Crap that dude was just downright nasty and wrong! But…I have to confess to all of you out in the blogosphere that this was not the first time that a garbage man has hit on me! SO WRONG THAT I AM ADMITTING THIS FACT!!!!! OK people out in the blogosphere...don’t get me wrong, I am not dissin' the profession here…I am totally hatin’ on the dude, who is hauling out the casino trash on the Vegas strip, and thinks it’s OK to yell out at me, “Hey Seeeexxxxy Girrrrrlfrieeeeend!” like Long Duck Dong on 16 Candles! OMG! He had the accent down and everything…thinking that John Hughes would have been seriously impressed here…me… yeah…NOT SO MUCH! WTF is up with that? Of course when this travesty occurred I could not be alone….NOOOOOOO that would have been too easy on my old decrepit ego! Of course I was with a bunch of my friends, who were not even drunk enough to ignore his ass, let alone NOT remember his OH SO HILARIOUS COMMENT because…yeah…they were sober! My sorry ass life could not have let this happen to me at the end of our drink fest….NOOOO this happened right as we hit the Vegas strip, at the BEGINNING of our evening, and of course I had to hear all sorts of various slurring renditions of his stupid cat call throughout our drunk ass weekend…by ALL OF MY FRIENDS! Holy Crap! SO VERY WRONG! Since this has happened to me twice now…I feel the need to start hanging out at the local land fill to see what type of “fish are swimming in that pond” as I clearly attract the fishing derby nasty old ass first prize WINNERS! WTF is happening here?! The depressing thing is that even when I was younger I could attract something a little bit better than the yellowed teeth hose beast that clearly thought that he was channeling Zac Efron! WAH! SO HORRIFICALLY WRONG!!!! OK…so if any of you out in the blogosphere have ever had a nasty old dude hit on you, please comment and let me know because I am one therapy session away from making the stock on Prince Valium SKY ROCKET! Again…WHAT.THE.F*?!
What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary: Jungle Boogie, by Kool and the Gang.