Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Mars Reality vs. Venus Reality

OK people out there in blogger land...well mostly the women out in the blogisphere...let's just have a little side bar convo about what our husbands actually DO!  I totally understand that we are all working adults but come on...I feel like I do 99.9% of all of the work that needs to get done in this house hold to my husbands .1% ( I hope that I did my math right there...I never said that I was Einstein :) ) BUT if you were to ask him he would tell you that in his sad pathetic little mind he does  a ton of crap...like so much that it warranted a 20 minute "discussion" about who does more me or him!?  Like I said before we are both 40 + hour a week working professionals with a 4 year old that requires the majority of our attention, but when we actually went toe to toe about who does more house hold work guess who had the longer list?  I can safely say that it was not him BUT he put up a really good fight as to why I do the majority of the work in the house..there was a "you are a total control freak" theme going on here but I digress...so to be fair to the people in bloggerland that don't know him...let's just go over the list of what I do and what he does:

Sometimes takes daughter to school (he has no concept of time so she is always late and guess who gets chewed out?  Yeah...not him but ME...it is AWESOME to get chewed out by a pre-school teacher...I totally recommend it...NOT!)

Takes the car to the car dealership to get the oil changed and serviced (I have to follow him in the other car with a cranky 4 year old in tow and then "hang" out with him until the car is done...he calls it family time...I call it another form of slavery)

Sometimes takes the trash out to the curb (Only does it when he is "reminded" in a tone that makes even the most bad ass zombie flee for his/her un-dead life)

Plays with my daughter (this consists of destroying the house in the process and me slipping and falling on my ass in the middle of the night with a Lego embedded in my ass! Yeah...good times!)

We have a landscaper and a pool guy that I pay monthly...no need to explain why he is not weeding or cleaning the pool filter here because I PAY someone to do that because SOMEONE couldn't!  (Shouty Caps totally warranted here!)

Clean the house (OK in all fairness we have a maid that comes every other week to do the big stuff but I make sure that nobody gets a Lego imprint on their ass on my watch!)

Pay all the bills (This actually is not a negative thing because I can spend all that I want and just sweep it under the e-bill pay rug!  Teaches him to be lazy and irresponsible when it comes to money!  Coach Outline Online thanks him very much for my patronage! )

Pick my daughter up from school...ON TIME and without an ass chewing!

Wake my daughter up, dress her, do her hair, brush her teeth, feed her, get her backpack ready, and feed HIS dog all before 7a.m. BTW...in case you were wondering he is not even AWAKE and makes me late for work because he is in the shower!  Seriously?  No concept of time or other people's schedules here!  Makes me want to pull a Christian Bale here and fire his ass!

Feed my daughter dinner, make her lunch, give her a bath, and get her ready for bed (yeah...he comes in at her bedtime because he has to work late, gets her all riled up, and then I get to calm her down...again...GOOD TIMES!)

Wash all the dishes (he claims to be allergic to water...like the only water that is tied to the dishes in the sink!  Try another line bucko...so NOT funny!)

I Do ALL the Laundry (in his defense he tried to do the laundry but when my panties ended up resembling a fry cook's nasty wife beater he was immediately fired!)

I have to take care of buying presents, wrapping them, and sending them out even if they are not even for MY family...oh and I also send out 45 Christmas Cards a year... that I address by hand... because he has the handwriting of a 2 year old!

Put gas in my car AFTER he has ran it down to fumes...jack ass!

And the list goes on and on and on...the list is so long it resembles Santa's naughty list in scroll form...so pathetic!  The real reason why I am on this blog ranting is because I feel like ASS!  I have a cold and yeah...I still manage to do all these things without any help from Mr. Mars and when I did ask for a tiny bit of help I was basically given the finger because he has to work late?!  Umm..yeah...again no concept of time here...so when I handed over the Mars vs. Venus list to him and he looked at it...he was like totally offended that I would think to even create such a list!  Seriously?  I had to laugh...he has a totally skewed sense of reality...but then I should not be surprised...he is a man right?

What am I listening to while I write this bloggary:  AC/DC Highway to Hell! 

No comments:

Post a Comment