OK...so for all of you that follow my Blog, first of all THANK YOU...I know how difficult it must be to read my verbal assault on yoga pants, my husband's "blond spells", my aging neck waddle, and basically everything else that DRIVES ME TO DRINK...A LOT... so the groveling for my "lack of Blogging Ass" really needs to start with all of you! So the second thing that I wanted to get out there on the Blogosphere is that I seriously did not want to drop off the face of the Blog Earth.... I do have a REALLY good reason for my absence! Would you believe that I was abducted by aliens, violated by hot alien scientists (in a Fifty Shades of Grey way ;) ), and then escaped within an inch of my life? No? Not really buyin' it? Well OK FINE... the real story is that my stupid company kind of felt the need to close our location down and relocate my family to another FREAKIN' STATE!!!! I was seriously pissed and a little bit hurt that the executives of my company felt so little of me to not involve me in their little Multi-Billion decision to CLOSE US DOWN...I am like the 200,000th employees away from the Big Kahuna in our division... one would think that he would consult me before he dumped us like a full Porta Potty at a Justin Timberlake concert! Sheesh...so inconsiderate! So anyway, as a result of their inability to pull their heads out of their asses, my Blog had to take a REALLY LONG VACATION... thinking that a trip to Cancun would have been a better trip than the sweaty, angst riddled, U-HAUL pulling, caravan experience that I had to endure across three freaking states with my map challenged husband, my TOTALLY BORED 5-year-old daughter, and our two Boxer puppies that felt the need to make me stop every 15 minutes to PEE ! At least the trip to Cancun would have been filled with "male college HOTTIE" eye candy and a lot of dates with my boyfriend Senor Cuervo! :) He's so dreamy... but I digress... so what I am trying to say is that I am back with a ton of new material from my Craptastic moving experience as well as I am also planning on plugging books for new authors! YAY!!!! As a result of my relocation nightmare, I have read an ASSLOAD (BTW that's a lot if you have seen my ASS!!!) of books and realized that some of these books that I have come across are FANFUCKINGTASTIC but are just buried under the millions of other books on AMAZON and can't get the "front page" attention that they deserve! So if you are a struggling writer and want some extra "pluggage" (OK that word only works in certain verbal context right? HAHAHAHA) I am your Book Blog Review Biatch! Just drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I would be more than happy to read your book and give it props via this wonderful media masterpiece known as this Blog...OK so maybe it's not so wonderful, but free "pluggage" is free "pluggage"! I seriously just wanted to say pluggage...like multiple times... for whatever reason it makes me laugh! See... even though I have been absent my horrible sense of humor is still in rare form! I'M BAAACCCKKKKKK BITCHES...let's get this Blogging party started!
What am I listening to while I write this verbal assault A.K.A this Blog?
Shake It Off, By Taylor Swift