OK...so for all of you that follow my Blog,
first of all THANK YOU...I know how difficult it must be to read my verbal
assault on yoga pants, my husband's "blond spells", my aging neck
waddle, and basically everything else that DRIVES ME TO DRINK...A LOT...
so the groveling for my "lack of Blogging Ass" really needs
to start with all of you! So the second thing that I wanted to get out
there on the Blogosphere is that I seriously did not want to drop off the face
of the Blog Earth.... I do have a REALLY good reason for my absence!
Would you believe that I was abducted by aliens, violated by hot alien
scientists (in a Fifty Shades of Grey way ;) ), and then escaped within
an inch of my life? No? Not really buyin' it? Well OK FINE... the
real story is that my stupid company kind of felt the need to close our
location down and relocate my family to another FREAKIN' STATE!!!! I was
seriously pissed and a little bit hurt that the executives of my company
felt so little of me to not involve me in their little Multi-Billion decision
to CLOSE US DOWN...I am like the 200,000th employees away from the Big
Kahuna in our division... one would think that he would consult me before he
dumped us like a full Porta Potty at a Justin Timberlake concert! Sheesh...so
inconsiderate! So anyway, as a result of their inability to pull their
heads out of their asses, my Blog had to take a REALLY LONG VACATION...
thinking that a trip to Cancun would have been a better trip than the sweaty,
angst riddled, U-HAUL pulling, caravan experience that I had to endure across
three freaking states with my map challenged husband, my TOTALLY BORED
5-year-old daughter, and our two Boxer puppies that felt the need to make
me stop every 15 minutes to PEE ! At least the trip to Cancun
would have been filled with "male college HOTTIE" eye candy and a lot
of dates with my boyfriend Senor Cuervo! :) He's so dreamy...
but I digress... so what I am trying to say is that I am back with a ton of new
material from my Craptastic moving experience as well as I am also
planning on plugging books for new authors! YAY!!!! As a
result of my relocation nightmare, I have read an ASSLOAD (BTW that's a lot if
you have seen my ASS!!!) of books and realized that some of these books
that I have come across are FANFUCKINGTASTIC but are just buried under the
millions of other books on AMAZON and can't get the "front page"
attention that they deserve! So if you are a struggling writer and want
some extra "pluggage" (OK that word only works in certain verbal
context right? HAHAHAHA) I am your Book Blog Review Biatch! Just
drop me a line at middleagemonologues@gmail.com, and I would be more than happy to
read your book and give it props via this wonderful media masterpiece known as
this Blog...OK so maybe it's not so wonderful, but free "pluggage" is
free "pluggage"! I seriously just wanted to say pluggage...like
multiple times... for whatever reason it makes me laugh! See... even
though I have been absent my horrible sense of humor is still in rare
form! I'M BAAACCCKKKKKK BITCHES...let's get this Blogging party started!
What am I listening to while I write
this verbal assault A.K.A this Blog?
Shake It Off, By Taylor Swift
Well, welcome back!! Um, I think you get a pass on the blogging absence. It sounds kind of like a nightmare...moving? Really? I hope that you like your new state and your husband and daughter have settled in too...off to read your other posts!! Glad you have you back, I missed my morning laugh!!
ReplyDeleteOh Kim the move was horrible BUT now that I am somewhat back to normal (like I was totally normal before the move right? HAHA!) I can share with you all of the chaos and craziness that happened to me along the way! BTW....thanks for the pass...I felt like a total tool for being absent for so long !
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