I Am Twitter Challenged…I Feel Like A Twee-Dork!

OK people in the blogosphere…today’s rant is about a little social network application called Twitter, that I shamelessly created an account on, to try to connect to more readers, only to find out…that yes…I  am a Twee-tard!  WTF is up with that?  So here is what happened…I was reading some articles on the great WWW on some “helpful” hints geared towards how to get your blog circulated more, get more followers , yadda, yadda, yadda, and almost all of them said to create a Twitter account.  So that is what I did…BUT now I have NO clue what to do with it!  I am such a dork!   So let me just break it down to you all in blogger land, I (being the whacked out engineer that I am), decided that I am going to learn all about this Twitter thingy and how to use it!  I tell myself, that I am an engineer for crying out loud, how hard can this be right?  I solve some seriously intense and difficult problems every day…this is going to be a piece of cake right?!  Yeah…not so much…and  (because I am a perfectionist control freak), I don’t want to break any Twitter etiquette rules so I found myself blurry eyed and over caffeinated in the wee hours of the morning trying to learn all that I can about tweeting only to find out that I am 100% Tweet-tarded!  I am such a Twee-dork that I am actually scared to use the stupid thing for fear that I am going to Tweet out to someone and that they are going to Twee-scream back that I broke some sacred tweet rule and that I should not have tweeted that random crap out to the Tweetosphere (don’t know if that really exists but I am on a Tweet themed roll here so whatever!).  That crap is so confusing!  So I have decided that instead of Twitter, I am going to just shout out one liner BLARTS (Blog verbal gaseous nonsense a.k.a farts) to all of you in the blogosphere because that is so much easier than using Twitter!  Thinking that the interface might be tricky though…hmmm…instead of hash tags I could have a roll of TP and then a random word, that catches my eye so that if you are following me you can re-BLART out to each other and share with one another my random BLART comment and all you would have to do is click on the roll of TP!!  HA! HA! Thinking I could use emoticons in my BLART outs to get my point across without saying ANYTHING…like when you combine the sheep emoticon with the blocks you get a shitting bricks effect…GENIUS!!!!  I am sooooo going to patent this idea…it will be the next competitor to Twitter but soooo much easier…thinking those dudes on Twitter should have been nicer to me when I called their 1-800-tweet-challenged hot line asking for help and they HUNG UP ON ME for being too old and stupid to understand their social network! Bastards!  Also thinking that maybe I should suggest to them that they need to create some kind of Tweet picture book or maybe a paint by number tutorial that explains it all to me…because this old ass CHICKEN is Twitter challenged that is for sure!  So all of you out in the blogosphere…can someone tell me how to use that crap because I can tell you that I have tweeted twice now, and even though I did not get Twee-yelled at, I was sweating the whole time my cursor was hovering over the “Tweet” button because I didn’t know if I was going to get some nasty little “Tweet-o-gram” telling me that I have violated some Twitter rule or if I was going to get a virtual Tweet slap for tweeting something that I shouldn’t have!  Sheesh…just another reason why getting old SUCKS…if I can’t understand “The Tweets” then what is next?  Ben Gay and some comfort hose are in my Amazon shopping cart just waiting for me to click my way down to where they send old people that can’t figure out technology…why yes they call it Twitterville!  WTF?  Who doesn’t know how to use Twitter?  Apparently that would be me…sigh…

What am I listening to as I rant in this bloggary:  I’m Like A Bird, by Nelly Furtado.