Face Yoga Experiment:  Trying the “WOW Face”  Yoga Exercise for 30 Days

 
OK guys… it’s been a hot minute since I posted last. I’m not even going to pretend I have a good excuse. Life happened, years passed, and my face apparently decided to start migrating south while I wasn’t looking.

So here I am again in the blogosphere with years of pent-up ranting ready to unleash on all three of you who might still be reading.

You’re welcome.

Lately I’ve been trying to “age with grace.” I don’t actually know what that means, but in my world it mostly involves Target self-care… not Kardashian self-care.

Like… I would absolutely love to self-care myself a new face and body with Kardashian money, but alas — no cash cow. So Target and Amazon it is.

And let me tell you…

I have tried EVERY product known to mankind to deal with what I now call my face handles. Somehow my love handles packed their bags and migrated directly to my jawline.

I now look like a slightly aggressive female version of Grumpy Cat.

My friends could probably guide me into IKEA just by grabbing my face handles and steering me through the furniture section.

What the actual hell happened.


My Desperate Google Search for Face Yoga

 
Naturally, I did what any rational adult does when confronted with aging…

I panic-searched the internet.

I typed something very scientific like:

“how to get rid of face jowls without selling a kidney.”

That’s when I discovered Face Yoga.

Yes. Face. Yoga.

Apparently the internet is full of people doing face yoga exercises to tighten their skin and improve sagging.

There are tutorials. Entire YouTube channels. Communities of people passionately stretching their faces in ways that would absolutely make your priest blush.

And one exercise kept popping up everywhere…

The legendary WOW Face.


What Is Face Yoga (Apparently a Real Thing)

 
For those of you who are new to this madness, face yoga is basically exercising the muscles in your face.

The theory is that by doing repeated facial movements, you can:

tighten facial muscles
reduce sagging skin
improve circulation
help with jowls and wrinkles
Now whether or not this actually works is still up for debate.

But the internet swears by it.

So obviously I had to try it.


The “WOW Face” Exercise
The WOW Face is exactly what it sounds like.

You basically open your mouth like you just saw your Target shopping receipt and whisper the word “wow.”

Here’s the official version on the InterWeb:

Open your mouth wide like you’re saying “WOW”
Lift your eyebrows as high as possible
Hold the position for a few seconds
Repeat several times
Sounds simple enough.

However…

No one warns you that you will look like you’re silently screaming into the abyss...or look like you are indeed trying to enact very inappropriate things...but readers I am truly digressing here...


My First Attempt at Face Yoga

 
So there I am.

Late at night.

Phone in one hand.

Face yoga tutorial open.

Dog sitting on the couch watching me like I’ve lost my damn mind.

And I start doing the poses.

Mouth open.

Eyes wide.

Face frozen in the WOW expression.

My dog looked at me like I owed him an apology.

He slowly stood up… walked out of the room… and I’m pretty sure he reconsidered other living accomodations...


Unexpected Bonus Use for Face Yoga
Now here’s something the face yoga community isn’t telling you.

This technique has unlimited potential in the dating world.

Let’s say you’re on a date with someone who is… how do I say this nicely…

Annoying AF.

Just casually stop mid-conversation.

Look them dead ass in the eye.

And perform the WOW Face.

Hold it.

Maintain eye contact.

I guarantee they will suddenly remember an immediate family emergency and leave the restaurant.

Boom.

Dating problem solved.

You’re welcome.

Just make sure you brought cash because they will absolutely disappear before the check arrives.


Does Face Yoga Actually Work?
Now the real question…

Does face yoga work for jowls?

Honestly… the internet is divided.

Some people swear their faces look tighter after doing exercises regularly.

Others say it mostly just gives your family something to laugh at.

At this point I can confirm one thing:

Face yoga definitely strengthens your ability to embarrass yourself in front of pets and others if you are so bold to do this in public.


My 30-Day Face Yoga Experiment
Because I am clearly committed to science…

I’ve decided to try the WOW Face exercise for 30 days.

Will my jowls disappear?

Will I accidentally summon new wrinkles?

Will my dog move out permanently?

We don’t know.

But I will report back with results.


Final Thoughts
If nothing else, face yoga exercises are good for one thing:

Providing endless entertainment for anyone who walks in while you’re doing them.

Especially your dog.

But who knows…

Maybe in 30 days we’ll all have sculpted jawlines circa Brad Pitt in the 90's and be the founding bloggers of the Face Yoga movement.

Or we’ll just look ridiculous together.

Either way…

I’ll keep you posted.


🎧 What I’m listening to while writing this:
“Papa Don’t Preach” – Madonna